Saturday, December 22, 2007

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer..."

The song doesn't tell you three very important things:

a.) 'Grandma' was driving an electric shopping cart and was tailgating Rudolph from an angle to the right.... of COURSE the reindeer behind Rudolph is gonna step on her!
b.) She didn't die. and
c.) She lives in Alaska.

How do I know all these juicy facts?

I met 'Grandma' while tempting fate and risking death finishing my Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart yesterday. I was patient and kind with all the crazy shoppers around me, I didn't deserve any ill treatment. And yet, it was delivered by the star of crazy Christmas songs... Miss 'Grandma'.

She tried to kill me, smoosh me like a bug, cut me in half... whatever. I was in one of those crowded aisles where you walk, stop, walk, stop, walk, stop, etc. I was stopped waiting for oodles of people to move and I hear this mysterious -Whirr!- behind me. I turned slightly and there's 'Grandma' with an electric cart and she's aimed right for me. -Fwump!- She hits me, backs up, and -Fwump!- hits me again. I have nowhere to go. -Whirr... fwump!- Again, and -Fwump!- again and -Fwump!- again. Can anyone say O-U-C-H??? What did she think, that I had control over the flow of traffic?

When people were moving again, I was able to exit the aisle but had to deal with 'Grandma' literally pushing me all the way till I turned right and RAN. Do you know how hard it is to walk with a basket on your tail? Yeah, no good.

For the remainder of my time in hell (I really hate shopping) I found myself ducking around corners and avoiding all electric carts while the Mission Impossible theme music danced around in my head like sugar plum fairies.

Now, after that, you tell me who's the guilty party in our infamous Christmas song.

I say it was 'Grandma'.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What Comes Around Goes Around. :)