Read Me. I contain the words Teddy Bear, Cajole, Luddite and Nosh in one single post.

I have been busy, tired (as illustrated), and quiet lately. On here, that is. Ask anyone at work and they will tell you I've been rather vocal, at appropriate times, of course.

Here is a quick (or not so quick) update:

In mid-October Mango and I moved into a condo with my friend Laurie who works on the North Slope half-time, loves Mango, and is dating one of my best guy-friends around so life on the home-front is pretty sweet.

Y'all know about the belly dance performance in November 'cause I wrote about that in the last post. Over Thanksgiving I house-sat for a family in town with a big hairy dog named Bandit. For some reason I have not been able to say "no" when they ask me regardless of my schedule or sanity breaking point. I'm a softy and yes, Bandit and I are again spending Christmas and New Years together. This time, he's going to get a chance to meet Mango. He's an obnoxious very friendly dog, and she's a curious cat who plays fetch. Sounds like a match made in Heaven to me.

This is the last week of finals for UAA, though I was done last week, and I found out that I got an A in Psychology and a B in Human Services. Next semester I will not be enrolled at UAA as I will be focusing on my certificate program through New York Institute of Photography. I need to finish that before I do anything else.

I donated money to the AWAIC (Abused Women And Infants in Crisis) shelter through a United Way fundraiser at work last month and was entered into a drawing to win a round-trip ticket anywhere Alaska Airlines flies. Let me tell you how often I win things: I won a large teddy bear from a drawing at Walmart that I don't remember entering when I was 17. I won an electric toothbrush at the health fair at work in October (and gave it to Laurie because I had just bought myself a Sonicare system). And then a few weeks ago I hear this over the intercom at work:

"And the winner of the drawing for the round-trip ticket is... Joanna Dickerson!"

First I was in shock, then I casually made fun of our receptionist for mispronouncing Dickson.

Everyone has been inquiring as to what I'm going to do with the ticket. Well people, I think I have made up my mind. I need to speak with our HR department first, but if I can, I will be flying to New York City and back with the free ticket. While in New York City I will visit an old roommate and her husband and son, see at least one Broadway show with a friend from Maryland who said he will come see me from Boston where he is now living, perhaps see my cousin Andy if I can cajole him into a visit from Upstate, and then hop a plane for Ukraine.

Yes, you read that correctly, I'm going back to Ukraine. It has been 8 years since I visited the first time and it's high time I go back. Misha and Nataliya are in Kiev so I plan on being there most of the time. I do hope to hop a train and go to Marganets and visit the school I was at, Misha's mom, the unofficial school for kids with disabilities, and my old host family too.

This trip will knock out a at least two items from my running list of things to do before I die (published on the bottom of my blog). How fantastic is that? Even better, the traveling and things I will be around (especially in Ukraine) will work to my advantage in regards to the NYIP program.

Trips, list of things to do... oh yes, and in March I will be traveling to Nome with a friend to see the end of the Iditarod, another thing on my list of things to do before I die.

Also, tomorrow (or perhaps it's today 'cause it's past Midnight) after work I am joining my friend, co-worker, and fellow belly-dancing sister in celebrating Hanukkah (or Chanukah). Yes, I am skipping my church Christmas party to learn about the traditions of people whose beliefs are quite similar to my own LDS ones. And no, she is not Jewish. The best description I have for my friend and those who worship like her is... Messianic Believer. They heavily study the Torah and adhere to the old ways and at the same time utilize the whole Bible and believe in Christ as their Savior. A few Fridays ago she came and spoke at a regular Friday luncheon we hold at the LDS Institute of Religion. It was fantastic, she was great, and the Spirit was strong in that room and for the rest of the day. Friday evenings (as able) for me are spent with my friend and her husband enjoying Hebraic dancing before settling down for Torah study followed by Nosh (to eat a snack). See, Mormons aren't the only ones with food at their gatherings.

On the flip-side of all this glee:

1. Two months back my old cell phone sat in rush-hour traffic for about 40 minutes being run-over and survived, then crapped out a couple weeks ago.

2. I've had 1 (ONE) official date in the last year and a half.

3. I accidentally dropped my new phone on the floor at work sending the back, the base, and the battery in separate directions. Right after that moment my boss walked into the cubicle and I looked at him with an "Oh-boy-I-hope-he-doesn't-see-the-disaster-I-just-created" look on my face while attempting to stifle laughter. He knows my faces well and called me on it so I pointed to the floor. In a questioning manner, he called me a luddite. Look it up.

Wait, one more thing!!! (Where's my OFF button?)

Speaking of work, this month right about now marks my one-year since changing positions at work from Job Coach to Service Plan Writer. In February 2010 I will have been working for Assets, Inc. for 2 years. Where has the time gone? And for everyone's bit of useless Joanna Trivia, before now the longest I stayed in one employment situation was 11 months. Yes, that was my official record. That's not bad compared to my nomadic moving habits. I haven't lived anywhere longer than 8 months after leaving home in early June 2003 (except the 10 months I lived at home again upon my return to Alaska in '07).

Ok people, that's it today.

New Adventures

Ciccia Bella Belly Dance troupe performed at BellyDance Rocks, sponosred by Earthquakes and Hipshakes 2009 on November 7th.

We peformed to Natacha Atlas' "Man's World" eight days after my 25th birthday... I was on stage with the troupe donned in purple and green. Y'know, I wasn't nervous until the lights turned on and I thought, "Holy crap, what am I doing?".

Trying new things and participating in random and sometimes scary adventures has the potential to bring us wonderful new friends.

In my case it did and I hope it continues to do so.

Challenge: Go out and do something that not only scares you... do something that makes you happy.

I dare you.

Love,

Joanna

Tell me I'm ugly, tell me I'm fat... but please, leave my religion alone.

Well everyone, life's been busy lately and full of adventures; some welcome and some not.

I'd like to share some recent happenings while out and about.  Brace yourselves.

My friend Katie called me up one evening and wanted some company for dinner.  I had stuff to do around the house, specifically laundry so I wore a denim skirt and a much-applicable "Grumpy" (from Snow White) t-shirt that day, but being a good friend took precedence and I went and joined Katie at a local late-night restaurant.  Dinner was good, conversation was better, and as we stood in line to pay we were jovially intercepted by a well-dressed man, his wife, and their son.  

He asked, "What church do you go to?" and Katie answered him, "We go to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. What church do you go to?"  

Now, at this moment I was expecting him to say he was Mormon too and he knew he had recognized us from Stake Conference or something.  Right?  RIGHT?  No.  HECK NO.  He told us he went to some other church, and to be kind I won't mention the denomination.  Then he handed us a pamphlet, invited us to visit his church, and took his family into the restaurant.  What did Katie and I do next?  We looked at the pamphlet of course!  And you know what it was?  It was blatant anti-Mormon literature.  If I remember correctly the front mentioned something about us worshiping a different Jesus and somewhere inside it also clearly stated that we're going to Hell.  Nice.  Fantastic way to go about making friends.  

It was painful.  We weren't the only ones standing there in line and he specifically picked us out of the crowd as Latter-Day Saints and then proverbially stepped on our souls.  Really, that's how it felt.  Tell me I'm ugly, tell me I'm fat... but please, leave my religion alone.

This last weekend I was chillin' with Katie again.  We were both craving Italian and found ourselves at a cute little Italian place, split a canole for dinner and gelato (Italian ice cream) for dessert.  It was a yummy watching-the-budget-but-not-the-waistline dinner.  Kudos to Katie, fantastic idea.  

After dinner, long story shorter, we ended up at our $3 theater to join some friends for a movie at the last minute.  We were a little late, but no biggie.  Neither of us knew much about the movie, which will remain anonymous, but it was rated PG-13 and actually came recommended by a fairly good friend.  There was an actor in the movie that I find myself despising due to his crudeness but our said friend assured us he was decent in this movie.  Ok, we took a chance.  BAD IDEA.  It was terrible.  Not long after we sat down, amidst everyone's laughter and guffawing in the theater, we had to leave.  

The movie was the least of the evening, on our way to my car we were intercepted by an upset young lady needing gas.  She stopped us and told us that she worked as a security specialist (or something) for Wal-Mart and needed gas to go back to Wasilla (about 50 miles outside of Anchorage) so she could get breast-milk to her baby.  Katie's night to run the show was at the restaurant with the guy and the Anti-Mormon pamphlet, this night was apparently mine 'cause I did all the talking.  I clarified what this woman needed and made the decision to help with what I could.  We are our brother's (or sister's) keeper, right?  She looked cold so I told her to wait inside the theater lobby and we'd go to the gas station and get a can filled with gas for her.  

Katie and I didn't walk 15 steps further and -Bam!- another woman intercepted our short walk to the car.  She was older, wearing a pink jump suit, and needed a ride somewhere.  She claimed to be from Eagle River and wanting to get to a friend's house nearby.  I had a hard time following her story, which included (I think) something about a drunk guy and driving somewhere.  All I could do was tell her we were on our way to get gas for someone and instructed her to go wait in the lobby with the other lady and talk to her.   

Katie and I were in shock.  Really, if you want random adventures, hang out with me.  I'm like a magnet.  No joke.  This kind of stuff happens a lot.

At the gas station there was only 1 gas can left.  The darned thing only held 2 gallons and actually cost more than the gas to go inside it!  And I thought the cost of gas was atrocious; It's plastic we need to worry about.  While filling the gas can and dealing with the super quirks of technology and the crazy random evening, our defense mechanism of choice was laughter.  I'm sure the gas station guy and whomever else was in the parking lot thought we were drunk.  Yeah, we were laughing that much.  Really, if you think about it, there was humor in the situation.  Coming up with possible solutions provided some entertainment.  One solution that we deemed as rather funny and somewhat ironic... is the one I actually went with when faced with dealing with the women.

Back at the theater, gas can in hand, Katie and I found both of the women coming out of the theater lobby.  I gave the gas can to the woman going to Wasilla and explained it wouldn't get her far, but would get her far enough to hopefully happen upon someone else that could contribute to her trip home.  Then, I asked her to please bring the pink sweatsuit lady with her and drop her off wherever she needed to go since it was on the way.  I am absolutely not comfortable transporting strangers and that was the only solution Katie and I discussed that came out of my mouth at that moment.  I wished them luck and we high-tailed it out of there.    

Fun stuff eh?

There's one more adventure I'd like to share, and it's a good one.

I have a list on the bottom of this blog that is a list of things I want to do before I die.  I started this list years before the movie "The Bucket List" came about, so no accusing me of copying, imitating, whatever-ing Hollywood.  Everything I have accomplished thus far (not much) is listed in blue with a date of completion following it.  Well, there's a new light blue one in town... "Learn To Belly Dance".  I began classes on June 3rd of this year and am LOVING them.  

I look forward to Wednesdays and having that hour and a half of what I think I'll call "no-cares time".  I don't care about how I look, I don't care about what happened that day at work, I don't care about if I can get something perfect, I just simply don't care.  It's fantastic, and the nonchalant outlook is encouraged.  My instructor is this vivacious woman who has personality and spunk in class as well as while performing.

  

The belly dance style she teaches is Gypsy-influenced, fun and full of movement and personality.   Costuming for performing is colorful and fairly flexible per each dancer.  I can maintain my modest clothing standards while fitting in and having a great time.  I was so happy today I used my computer to take a few pictures post-class to share with everyone.   

See? I'm smiling!  

I wish everyone a great no-cares rest-of-the-week ahead.

God bless.

Ouch.

The news coverage for the planned break-in I wrote about earlier should be on the news (in Alaska) on Tuesday May 13 at 6pm, Channel 13.

Here are a few pictures I got of the broken window (it was double-paned tempered glass)... which was fixed a few hours later.

I WAS live at the crime scene...

Posting earlier did not work. This was SUPPOSED to post around 1:45pm. Here is what I wrote: I am right this minute on a break from work parked near my house watching channel 13 news people break into it for a segment on home security.

Days like today make life interesting.

Walking on the clouds...

I love the swings. Sometimes we just need to take some time to be young again and take a much needed walk on the clouds.

I have....

I have been negligent. I have not written in.... forever. I have been busy. I have had other things taking up my time. I have dedicated most of my time to other people and am now taking a moment for myself. So there.

In addition to my condensed version of updates below, I changed my cellular plan to AT&T and upgraded to a good phone. My plan allows unlimited net usage which means I can take photos during my crazy days and when I figure out how, I can post them straight to the blog from my phone. I'll do my first test ones after I'm done with this post.

Yay for blogging-on-the-run.

The first update missed was the much celebrated arrival of my dearest friends pictured below. They lived up here in Alaska for 4 years, their first year being my last year before I bailed out of the state. I didn't meet them till I was in Maryland. We had instant connections which grew into a great friendship and I ended up living in their basement for a while even... and then on base in temporary housing with them for a few weeks as they shipped out to Idaho (my heart broke that day). Well... One year after they left Maryland, and 6 months after I left Maryland... guess who just moved back to Alaska and bought house!?!?!? Yuppers, THEY'RE HERE!!! Life is now complete.




Next came disc golf. April 19th I got suckered into playing disc golf with two good friends of mine. I had played (hacked at it) once before in my life and that was in Provo, Utah. I thought it was some funny backwards Utah sport. Turns out we have 2 courses here in Anchorage and they've actually been here for quite a while. The day was beautiful and the company I kept was wonderful. There was snow here, mud there, frozen water that way, and running water this-a-way. The day was superb with a much needed sanity-saving outing followed by strawberry smoothies and a chic flick.

Next was April 25th, 2008. Save the date, it made history. Not only did the young and older single adults in my church get together for a food drive complete with driving themed light-hearted activities (it was fun, and great to entertain the two kids that came), but we did so amidst a record-breaking...........

SNOW STORM!!!! It snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed. Welcome home to Alaska. One minute it's great, the next it's covered in white stuff so deep you don't park your car... you drive until you bottom-out. But I have to say, we had a nice little snowball fight after the food drive.... it was perfect (and boy do I mean PERFECT) snowball and snowman snow... as you can see Shad demonstrated below with his handiwork.

More fun to come, the snow is gone now and the weather is t-shirt friendly... at least for Alaska standards it is.

3 for 1 Special

Are you a believer?

I am waitressing very very part-time now, as my regular work week is keeping me quite busy.

Last Saturday I worked at the restaurant and I was taking an order for a large party. During the entire time I was writing, I noticed a woman staring at my server book, wherein I keep a picture of Christ ministering unto the children.

When I brought her a drink refill, she mentioned that she saw the picture earlier and asked in a whisper, "Are you a believer"?

The question delivery and word application was a little... different than I'm used to. After tooling it around in my mind for a second, I whispered back, "Why yes, I am".

I B L8

On Sunday I was helping a friend out by accompanying her beautiful singing in a special musical number she performed for her ward's (congregation) sacrament meeting at church. This was at 3pm and located in South Anchorage. At 5pm I was needing to be back to my side of town so I could teach in my ward's Relief Society (a women's Sunday school class).

One hour to get from point A to point B is a grand amount of time, but for some reason I felt like I left my friend's ward a little later than I should have. Part-way to my destination, I had this feeling that I was going to be late. I was worried and amidst my minor panic, a truck pulled into the lane in front of me.

Of all the things the truck's personalized I-like-to-distract-other-drivers license plate could say, it offered me no comfort with "I B L8".

Fiber anyone?

One of my clients works for an after-school program. Therefore a few afternoons a week, three hours at a time, I'm with this client at the school. Around children. Enough said.

Today a kid came into the program with a l-o-o-o-n-g piece of paper with protruding pieces of paper at one end, and a pointed piece at the other. He had made a paper scorpion.

He was playing with it, and trying to "sting" my arm and make me squirm. I played along, even though it's not REALLY my job to interact with the kids. I mean, come on, what do you think I am? Nice? Never.

Seeing kids using their imaginations in this time of video games and crap like that is rather rare these days. This little scorpion thing was rather charming until...

The kid totally ATE it. Yeah, he ATE it. Want me to say it again? He ATE it!!! Yes! All three flippin' feet of paper that it was!

As much as I am not a fan of video games, at least if a kid takes of chunk out of a controller or something, electricity will do it's thing and teach 'em a lesson.

The paper, well... that won't bite back until later.

"...trying to let her shine a little, that's all."

As far as my newest challenge is going, reports are good. I have been thinking good things about my body and find myself caring less about what others think. Not that I really cared much before. If someone is willing to stoop low enough to have a problem with my appearance, that's their own issue. They obviously aren't worth my time.

I did a very mini wardrobe overhaul a few weeks ago (small steps... small steps). I got brave and tried some clothing styles that are different for me. I needed a cleaned up, I-really-do-care-about-myself, semi-causal yet professional look... and I think I've found one that I like.

Before the overhaul, I even treated myself to a haircut. I gave the stylist freedom to do whatever she wanted as long as she kept some reasonable length to my hair. She gave me some distiguishable layers, side-swoop bangs... and I like 'em! It's amazing how much a hair change can affect a person. I think it helps me look more 23 (my age) and less 16 (which is where I have been guessed at on more than one occasion within the last year).

You see, change is not bad. It can be quite good. However, it's best when done for one's self and nobody else. And even then, maybe "change" isn't the best desciption...

I'm not changing into a different person... I am refining the person I am. There's this great confident put-together young lady inside that has been hiding for years and years. I'm trying to let her shine a little, that's all.

Another challenge....

My survey on whether or not I could successfully finish the vegetarian/vegan 30-day challenge brought about 66 votes for "Absolutely!!!", 2 votes for "Maybe.", and 2 votes for "Heck NO!!!".

Bragging rights go to those who voted for "Absolutely!!!". Yay for you! I know there was only a couple who voted, with someone sitting and voting 62-ish times. But hey, a vote is a vote. Thanks for the good thoughts.

My next 30-day challenge is........

~*~*~*~*DRUMROLL*~*~*~*~

Spending the next 30 days with a good attitude about my body.

More info to come soon.

I must now retire to my bed for tomorrow is the first day at my new job with an organization in town (Assets) that works with adults with mental disabilities. I'm so excited! The position I've wanted since I arrived back in Alaska opened up recently and I snagged it! I'll be working as an employment specialist (job coach) around the city at different job-sites each day.

Having missed chicken...

My first meal with meat/dairy/eggs in it again was a chicken sandwich at Applebees this evening with friends from church.

It surely was no gourmet meal, but I admit to having missed chicken... which made it grand.

What have I learned from all this?

Meat ought to be a delicacy, or at least something special in a meal.

Meat is hard to digest, it takes more energy to do so, and right now I feel like I have a ton of bricks sitting inside my stomach. I do not plan to eat so much meat in one sitting again. It just doesn't sit well anymore.

The less dairy products I consume, the better I feel. I plan on keeping dairy to a minimum from now on.

I've learned that I can accomplish things that I set out to do, no matter how odd.

My friends, aside from fun teasing, are very supportive of my "low-risk adventures".

Hot chammomile tea and fruit can be just as fulfilling as hot cocoa and pie at 2am when it means spending time with a guy who holds my interest.

3 Hours 9 Minutes and Counting....

It's 1 minute till noon, I have the day off, and I have merely hours till I can eat meat, dairy, and/or eggs once more.

I will write about it all later, just wanted to make an excited quick note!!!!

19 DAYS AND COUNTING

It's the counting part that has it's crazy moments.

I'm gauging the time on this "no dairy, no eggs, no meat" adventure in accordance with the countdown ticker at the bottom of the blog.

I technically started on January 18th, but it was in the middle of the afternoon. I created the countdown thing a little later.

So, regardless of dates, I'm ending my low-risk adventure when the ticker tells me to. It says I have 19 more days and a couple hours left. I'm sticking to that.

By the way, everything is going pretty well with the adventure. A lot of my friends tease me about my craziness, but they are supportive at the same time. Thanks guys!

People need to realize that I'm not supporting PETA. I don't agree with their extremest views. They just happened to be the hosts of the first vegetarian/vegan short-term I'm-accountable-to-somebody challenge I came across. I see some valid points PETA makes (abuse of animals, poisons in meat, etc.) but have it known that I DO support hunting and fishing for sustenance. If you kill it, use as much as you can... and use it properly.

So, again, I have 19 more days and I'm doing well. I've learned two new things about hidden ingredients in the last week:

1. Restaurant's vegetable (tomato etc.) soups have chicken stock in them.
2. A number of purchased granola bars are made with powdered milk.

Crazy. What the heck it chicken stock doing in VEGETABLE soup???? Can't the vegetarians and vegans in the world enjoy a cup of soup anymore? Can you imagine all the animal lovers out there? "Yes, I would love some tomato-basil soup." But you and I both know they are consuming derivatives from their good friend the CHICKEN! Akkkk! It's insane!

And then the milk in the GRANOLA bars.... oh never mind. You don't want me to go there.

Survival #2

I took the missionaries out to dinner tonight.

Restaurant experience #2 gone veggie - and not earth shatteringly difficult.



The goal while loading my bowl at the Mongolian barbecue place was to be as colorful as possible. (That's my food cooking up there!)

The man who cooks the food and -Swoosh!- shoots it off the flat grill and perfectly back into the bowl was happy to let me take photos. He even looked right at the camera for this one. In his hand is my bowl and my food recovering from being attacked by centrifugal force.

My veggies were so yummy!

Also available (and eaten, mind you) were veggie rolls, seasoned potatoes, peaches, and oranges to compliment my meat, dairy, and egg-less dinner.

I'm full of yummy food up to my eyebrows! 26 days left! BRING IT ON!!!

Veggin' Out.

27 days left of NO MEAT, NO DAIRY, and NO EGGS.

I ate out today with friends for lunch.

It was an exciting challenge to eat out at a sushi place... and not eat any fish! I LOVE fish!

What did I consume?

Avocado.

And it was good.

30 Days

I have the day off today from work and thought I needed yet another adventure.

Considering my track record, I've decided to go low-risk.

I signed an online pledge to go vegetarian for 30 days...

Just for the heck of it.

Want to join me? I put a link to the right so you can participate too...

And a countdown calendar at the bottom of my blog so you can keep up!!!

I quit.

Meet Brooks.

Brooks understands how I'm feeling regarding house-sitting.

Yeah, not a good thing.

I have really bad luck with anything regarding WATER.

It all started when my parents went out for the weekend in October. I was all ready for church and came downstairs for breakfast. I found a LAKE in the kitchen.

The line that goes into the freezer to make ice had exploded and deposited oodles of water into the house all... night... long.

I watched a house and 11 sled dogs out in Eagle River in December. On a Friday night after returning from work and taking care of the dogs I discovered the house was chilly.

Chillier than the normal chilly.

50 degrees Fahrenheit chilly.

The floorboard radiators were cold.

The hot water didn't work either.

At 1 in the morning a neighbor and I found the hot water heater and boiler.

They were silent.

He unplugged some stuff, plugged them back in, and -Whirr!- there was something going on.

6 am Saturday the heat finally reached 65 Fahrenheit... tolerable.

Top all this off with the fact that I was sick too.

Really sick.

I called work Saturday morning and explained why there was no way in heck I was coming in after Friday night's adventure.

The hot water didn't work till Sunday morning.

Early January I watched a house, dog, goldfish, and finch just around the corner from my folks.

Everything was hunky-dory till the coldest day of the winter thusfar in Anchorage.

16 below zero.

Saturday the main water line froze.

Then it cracked.

Then it thawed.

The water cut-off was ABOVE the crack so....

There was gushing water in the garage for 45 minutes till the city came to shut off the water from the keybox... around 1am Sunday morning.

The heat in the house wouldn't budge past 58 Fahrenheit either.

Friends of the family that came to help out said the non-insulated aluminum windows didn't help the lack of heat.

A cold breeze coming through the cracks of the sliding glass door that wouldn't shut properly didn't help either.

The little space heater, 3 blankets, and an obnoxious (but very cute) beagle DID help.

So did my friend, Mark, who came over with food, water, and stories till I fell asleep on the couch. Thanks.

Sunday the house was alive with the in and out of the plumber who fixed everything.

The Scottish dude from the city came and turned the water back on also.

Everything was taken care of in time for me to take a luke-warm shower and barely get to church on time.

Wearing blue shoes with a black skirt.

I quit.

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer..."

The song doesn't tell you three very important things:

a.) 'Grandma' was driving an electric shopping cart and was tailgating Rudolph from an angle to the right.... of COURSE the reindeer behind Rudolph is gonna step on her!
b.) She didn't die. and
c.) She lives in Alaska.

How do I know all these juicy facts?

I met 'Grandma' while tempting fate and risking death finishing my Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart yesterday. I was patient and kind with all the crazy shoppers around me, I didn't deserve any ill treatment. And yet, it was delivered by the star of crazy Christmas songs... Miss 'Grandma'.

She tried to kill me, smoosh me like a bug, cut me in half... whatever. I was in one of those crowded aisles where you walk, stop, walk, stop, walk, stop, etc. I was stopped waiting for oodles of people to move and I hear this mysterious -Whirr!- behind me. I turned slightly and there's 'Grandma' with an electric cart and she's aimed right for me. -Fwump!- She hits me, backs up, and -Fwump!- hits me again. I have nowhere to go. -Whirr... fwump!- Again, and -Fwump!- again and -Fwump!- again. Can anyone say O-U-C-H??? What did she think, that I had control over the flow of traffic?

When people were moving again, I was able to exit the aisle but had to deal with 'Grandma' literally pushing me all the way till I turned right and RAN. Do you know how hard it is to walk with a basket on your tail? Yeah, no good.

For the remainder of my time in hell (I really hate shopping) I found myself ducking around corners and avoiding all electric carts while the Mission Impossible theme music danced around in my head like sugar plum fairies.

Now, after that, you tell me who's the guilty party in our infamous Christmas song.

I say it was 'Grandma'.