THAT is the woman I see in the mirror...

I was the bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding two weeks ago. I told the photographer, also a friend of mine, that I would happily be in any photo as long as I never have to see them.

And then yesterday happened.

The photos were uploaded to Facebook. I have been off and on again close to tears since seeing them.

I see myself in the photos, and that is not the woman I see in the mirror each morning.  The photo with this post... THAT is the woman I see in the morning. She's fluffy, but she's adorable and has a bit of pizzazz in her step.

I’m pretty real with myself about my body image. I know I am overweight, I have struggled with this my entire life… and I know it takes the world’s opinion about my level of attractiveness and kicks it in the shins. However, the photos made me feel like the ugliest and most unwanted person on the face of the earth (and it wasn’t the photographer, she did a great job on the wedding photos).

The last time I saw the clock before going to sleep, it was about 2am. I woke up multiple times during the night and come 7am, I got up with no alarm because I had nightmares about the photos all night and didn’t want to return to them. I arrived to work at 8:40am.  To most, this is a fairly normal arrival time.  For me… well, it was significantly early for my I’m-not-a-morning-person 10am-6pm schedule.

My anxiety triggers are generally anything to do with motor vehicles, and large groups of people/social situations.  Apparently, so is my body image.  I try to be strong and tough about it, but it is getting more difficult to cope with. 

I work hard to eat healthy. Heck, I eat healthier than most of my thinner friends. Seriously. Not fair? Yeah, I know. Exercise is something I need to work harder to include in my life; I know this. I have heard often that with weight loss, it’s like 80% diet and 20% exercise – so you’d think I’d be able to tackle this better.

Case in point, I am going to start a new chapter of becoming well again.

I’m tired of everything, and changes need to be made.  I’m especially tired of the last few years of being treated like a guinea pig/lab rat by various medical providers. Between the aftermath and effects of being hit by that drunk driver almost 10 years ago, my weight, and multiple misdiagnoses regarding what’s going on in my brain (currently we're down to temporal lobe seizure activity, anxiety, and possible PTSD)… I’ve been medicated off and on with several variations of poison for the last 5 years.  I’ve been put on Dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine), Lamotrigine (Lamictal), Tegretol (Carbamazepine), and the most recent round was Celexa (citalopram) – and it destroyed me.  I gotta tell you, the Lamotrigine and Celexa were the worst. Oh. My. Heck.

My next neurology appointment is in June, with an MRI scheduled during May.  I’m going to call my neurologist next week and tell him I don’t want to be put on any other medication until I see him again. Until then, I will be doing a cleanse and exploring some natural/homeopathic options for the anxiety, which will include working to get my weight down. I can’t control what happens on the roads, or how I react to social situations, but my weight… that’s something I can (with great effort) control. Right? Right???

Wish me luck, send over some prayers, and everything will be OK.

Read Me. I contain the words Teddy Bear, Cajole, Luddite and Nosh in one single post.

I have been busy, tired (as illustrated), and quiet lately. On here, that is. Ask anyone at work and they will tell you I've been rather vocal, at appropriate times, of course.

Here is a quick (or not so quick) update:

In mid-October Mango and I moved into a condo with my friend Laurie who works on the North Slope half-time, loves Mango, and is dating one of my best guy-friends around so life on the home-front is pretty sweet.

Y'all know about the belly dance performance in November 'cause I wrote about that in the last post. Over Thanksgiving I house-sat for a family in town with a big hairy dog named Bandit. For some reason I have not been able to say "no" when they ask me regardless of my schedule or sanity breaking point. I'm a softy and yes, Bandit and I are again spending Christmas and New Years together. This time, he's going to get a chance to meet Mango. He's an obnoxious very friendly dog, and she's a curious cat who plays fetch. Sounds like a match made in Heaven to me.

This is the last week of finals for UAA, though I was done last week, and I found out that I got an A in Psychology and a B in Human Services. Next semester I will not be enrolled at UAA as I will be focusing on my certificate program through New York Institute of Photography. I need to finish that before I do anything else.

I donated money to the AWAIC (Abused Women And Infants in Crisis) shelter through a United Way fundraiser at work last month and was entered into a drawing to win a round-trip ticket anywhere Alaska Airlines flies. Let me tell you how often I win things: I won a large teddy bear from a drawing at Walmart that I don't remember entering when I was 17. I won an electric toothbrush at the health fair at work in October (and gave it to Laurie because I had just bought myself a Sonicare system). And then a few weeks ago I hear this over the intercom at work:

"And the winner of the drawing for the round-trip ticket is... Joanna Dickerson!"

First I was in shock, then I casually made fun of our receptionist for mispronouncing Dickson.

Everyone has been inquiring as to what I'm going to do with the ticket. Well people, I think I have made up my mind. I need to speak with our HR department first, but if I can, I will be flying to New York City and back with the free ticket. While in New York City I will visit an old roommate and her husband and son, see at least one Broadway show with a friend from Maryland who said he will come see me from Boston where he is now living, perhaps see my cousin Andy if I can cajole him into a visit from Upstate, and then hop a plane for Ukraine.

Yes, you read that correctly, I'm going back to Ukraine. It has been 8 years since I visited the first time and it's high time I go back. Misha and Nataliya are in Kiev so I plan on being there most of the time. I do hope to hop a train and go to Marganets and visit the school I was at, Misha's mom, the unofficial school for kids with disabilities, and my old host family too.

This trip will knock out a at least two items from my running list of things to do before I die (published on the bottom of my blog). How fantastic is that? Even better, the traveling and things I will be around (especially in Ukraine) will work to my advantage in regards to the NYIP program.

Trips, list of things to do... oh yes, and in March I will be traveling to Nome with a friend to see the end of the Iditarod, another thing on my list of things to do before I die.

Also, tomorrow (or perhaps it's today 'cause it's past Midnight) after work I am joining my friend, co-worker, and fellow belly-dancing sister in celebrating Hanukkah (or Chanukah). Yes, I am skipping my church Christmas party to learn about the traditions of people whose beliefs are quite similar to my own LDS ones. And no, she is not Jewish. The best description I have for my friend and those who worship like her is... Messianic Believer. They heavily study the Torah and adhere to the old ways and at the same time utilize the whole Bible and believe in Christ as their Savior. A few Fridays ago she came and spoke at a regular Friday luncheon we hold at the LDS Institute of Religion. It was fantastic, she was great, and the Spirit was strong in that room and for the rest of the day. Friday evenings (as able) for me are spent with my friend and her husband enjoying Hebraic dancing before settling down for Torah study followed by Nosh (to eat a snack). See, Mormons aren't the only ones with food at their gatherings.

On the flip-side of all this glee:

1. Two months back my old cell phone sat in rush-hour traffic for about 40 minutes being run-over and survived, then crapped out a couple weeks ago.

2. I've had 1 (ONE) official date in the last year and a half.

3. I accidentally dropped my new phone on the floor at work sending the back, the base, and the battery in separate directions. Right after that moment my boss walked into the cubicle and I looked at him with an "Oh-boy-I-hope-he-doesn't-see-the-disaster-I-just-created" look on my face while attempting to stifle laughter. He knows my faces well and called me on it so I pointed to the floor. In a questioning manner, he called me a luddite. Look it up.

Wait, one more thing!!! (Where's my OFF button?)

Speaking of work, this month right about now marks my one-year since changing positions at work from Job Coach to Service Plan Writer. In February 2010 I will have been working for Assets, Inc. for 2 years. Where has the time gone? And for everyone's bit of useless Joanna Trivia, before now the longest I stayed in one employment situation was 11 months. Yes, that was my official record. That's not bad compared to my nomadic moving habits. I haven't lived anywhere longer than 8 months after leaving home in early June 2003 (except the 10 months I lived at home again upon my return to Alaska in '07).

Ok people, that's it today.

Men, take notes.

Yes, I am actually sitting down at the computer and writing a blog post.  Don't get too excited, and please don't send the news crews.  I look like trash as I have been home sick all day in my very much unbearably warm apartment.  I've got all the windows open and it's just roasting.  I never thought that on May 1st at home in Alaska I would ever complain about being too warm. Six days ago last year there was a mondo blizzard that dumped well too much snow.  If you do some digging in my archives you'll see a post all about it, and a food drive that very night if I remember correctly.

Anyway, for those of you not blessed to be up North at the moment, the weather here has been purely amazing for the last week or so.  Our sunlight has been increasing each day by leaps and bounds and it's actually delivering HEAT.  That's a big deal up here. 

Increased sunlight brings about cheery and jovial moods in people, especially when following a long, dark, and cold winter.  Something else that helps bring about those happy moods is a new friend who drops into one's life at just the right moment.

Oh no, I'm not speaking from experience at all.  Never.  

Have I mentioned lately that I lie? [Insert one of those smiley-face things here.]

That said, there's this great guy that just walked into my life path recently.  He's super, and we've been having fun the last couple weeks.  What really bites is that he leaves for Iraq with the Air Force sometime in June and will be gone for at least 6 months.  

I could wonder why the heck we didn't mesh so instantly a few months back when we initially met, or why this, or why that... but it's fruitless to dwell on anything that nothing can be done about so I'm merely going to make the best of the whole situation.  

Do you ever think that sometimes every event in one's life is amazingly correlated?

I do.  And that's why I'm ready for whatever life has to hand me.  Maybe.  Perhaps I shouldn't speak so boldly.  It has a tendency to get me in trouble. 

Oh!  Speaking of speaking boldly (that was definitely an interesting use of verbage), I completed a dating survey for one of my Institute of Religion teachers who was gathering opinions in preparation to speak to a group of youth in the church.  Keep in mind that the questions are geared toward teens and the dating lifestyle of that age group.  Regardless, I enjoyed myself and am more than happy to share my answers with the world (daring, I know).

Everyone have an excellent weekend and enjoy reading my crazy answers!  (Men, take notes.)

1. List the top three characteristics of the perfect boy.

Characteristic #1: Caring and Compassionate

Characteristic #2: Honorable and Trustworthy

Characteristic #3: Motivated and Driven

2. List three things that make a group date good. Please list them with the most important one first.

#1: Good company 

#2: Planned and organized (yet flexible)

#3: Sincere fun

3. List three things that attract you to a boy, with the most important thing listed first.

#1: Personality is a major thing.  A pretty face can hide a real jerk.

#2: Knows what he wants in life and goes for it.

#3: Sees me when other people don't.

4. List the top three things that you look for in a boy when you consider dating him. List your most important criteria first.

#1: Treats his family well (especially his mother)

#2: Stability (in personality and life situations)

#3: How he has handled past relationships (know his history)

5. List three things that you would like a boy to do on a date.

#1: Open doors (chivalry is not dead, I have yet to see it in the obits)

#2: Exhibit natural humor (just make me laugh, don't TRY to make me laugh)

#3: Talk with me (conversations aren't binding, they’re just nice)

6. List the three things that you would most like a boy NOT to do on a date.

#1: Answer phone calls, make phone calls, text, etc.  You know those pre-movie warnings to turn off the cell phones?  Yeah, girls need to have those at the door as the guys walk in to pick them up for the date.

#2: Talk about other girls, gossip, and put down past dates.  That all spells LOSER.  If he talks about them, he'll talk about you.

#3: No bodily functions (picking nose, belching, breaking wind, spitting, etc.)

7. List three things that boys do that turn you off.

#1: Talking about video games (provided that the gal is not a fellow gamer). Come on people, really? Do we have to?

#2: Not washing hands after using the restroom.  Self explanatory.  Very disgusting.  This is worth calling a cab to get home.

#3: Clipping nails in public.  If I've typed it, I've witnessed it.  Ick.  That's it, just ick.

8. How should a boy dress? Here is your chance to tell the boys what you do and don't like about the way they dress. Feel free to tell them what makes you comfortable and/or uncomfortable.

Your pants should fit well.  Not too tight, and not falling off.  If you need help purchasing the right pair of pants, ask one of the women in your family (especially your grandmother) to help you.  Don't wear more jewelry than your date.  What are you wearing jewelry for anyway?  The CTR ring is cool, sport it bro'.  A few other funky things, sure.  But please, if you look like a disco ball, bring me the flowers and go home.  Don't sport the drug/alcohol t-shirts.  Just because Uncle Ned gave it to you for Christmas doesn't mean you should wear it.  Wear a nice shirt; that and a non-holy pair of jeans/slacks can go a long way.  Please wear socks unless you're going on a date that includes sand or water (we're in Alaska, this is not one that happens often).   

How would you like a boy to treat you at this point in your life?

Treat me well.  I'm a friend so be a friend.  Have fun with me, play along with a good joke for the heck of it.  If you like me as more than a best buddy, drop proper hints that clearly let it be known.  If you don't, make it clear but with kindness.  Leave modern ways at the door.  If you want a date, ask for it.  Don't wait for me to be feminist and forward.

10. How important is it to you for a boy you wish to date to be an active member of the LDS Church?

Extremely Important!!!!  <------ That’s my answer!

Somewhat Important

Doesn't Matter

Not Very Important

Not Important At ALL

No promises

Yes, I know.  

I've been silent.  

Excuse me for being busy, sometimes too much so for my own good.

Life is.... well, it just IS.

I do not promise a major update, it's a little late for that.  I do not promise a photo walk through of the last few months, I'm too swamped.  I do not promise you a rose garden, just 'cause that's a reference to an old song that just popped up in my head.  

You know you love me and my randomness.  Admit it, you do.

It snowed today.  Not that snowing is anything unusual for Anchorage, Alaska in November.  I just wanted to throw that in there, it snowed again.  I sometimes feel like I live in a snow globe and God has fun picking it up and shaking it.  Mind you, that's not just in reference to the weather.

I borrowed two books from the Institute of Religion's library today.  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey and The Power Within Us by Russell M. Nelson.

Thanksgiving is in a couple days.  Tomorrow night I am making 2 cheesecakes to bring to the family gathering.  One will be sugar-free, I'm experimenting with Splenda.  

Along with cheesecake, also present at Thanksgiving dinner will by my cousin's fiance.  I haven't met him yet, but everyone seems to like him thus far.  Crazy, I didn't even get a phone call about the engagement - I found out through Facebook.  Meh.  I don't know why, but I feel like an inadequate older cousin because I'm not married first.   It's as if I haven't fulfilled my duties. Dude, I rarely even date.  Toss me to the curb, I'm broken.

And yes, I used the word "dude" in my blog post.  Get over it.

Sometimes things happen

Last night while trying to drive home, I was rerouted by at least 8 police vehicles staking out the neighborhood.  I didn't know what was going on until I found went to our newspaper's website this morning.

Click here to read about the shooting last night.

Welcome home.  This was just down the street from me.

There are tender mercies all around.

My friend Shad lives in the condos mentioned in the article... and amazingly enough, he's out of town right now.  

Likewise, I came home later than I have the last few evenings and missed the action as well.

And so did my friend Xiong, who lives down the road-ish on the other side of the condos.

Again, tender mercies....

Healing Balm

Barely an hour after my last post I got a phone call from my best friend, Johanna.

God has His ways of keeping us whole, did you know that?

BEST FRIENDS ALWAYS HAVE A WAY TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.

Today Johanna's healing balm consisted of this phrase: "I'm having a baby today".

God is good, really good.

God threw the cherry on top...

Yesterday was an oober bad day.

When your whole day goes kinda rotten, you get to mid-evening and ask God, "Alright, what else do you have coming?  The other shoe has to drop sometime, you gonna let it fall now so I can just get it all over with?"

And then He takes your symbolically Pepto-Bismol Icescream Sundae of a day and throws the cherry on top of it. 

Joe broke up with me on a walk later in the evening.

And that's all I'm going to say about it.  This chapter is closed.

 I fibbed.  I'm a writer, chapters don't close in our world.  I will probably rehash it once in a while.  Respectfully, of course.  I mean, come on, we had good times.  Joe's a great guy.  I still have photos to share from some of our adventures!  

There are good memories and life lessons embedded in this experience and to back me up, Spencer W. Kimball once said, "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted.  It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility.  All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God."

RAIN...

It rained yesterday for a short time, and fairly heavy for Anchorage. I even got a bit misty-eyed missing the heavy rains of Maryland, my home away from home. Of course I hid it well since I was soaked from enjoying the rain between meetings at church... Ah, life is good.

Can You Fix Her?

Meet Caileena. Caileena was missing an arm yesterday. Caileena belongs to a little boy in the after-school program that I've mentioned before. He went to one of my client's co-workers and asked, "Can you fix her?" A cute moment amidst a really long day.

I WAS live at the crime scene...

Posting earlier did not work. This was SUPPOSED to post around 1:45pm. Here is what I wrote: I am right this minute on a break from work parked near my house watching channel 13 news people break into it for a segment on home security.

Days like today make life interesting.

Walking on the clouds...

I love the swings. Sometimes we just need to take some time to be young again and take a much needed walk on the clouds.

Kapput. Done. Gone.

Spring break around the nation has arrived for school-aged children, college students.... and WATCH OUT, I've been thinking.

Children and young adults of America are soft with their expectancies of seasonal breaks.

One day folks, you will NOT have 2 weeks of "veg" time around the holidays in December..... you will NOT get a week off from life to combat cabin-fever in March... you may not get Labor Day off, or Presidents Day off, or -Gasp!- the day before Thanksgiving off from whatever you may be doing. Oh, and the whole summer break deal, don't get used to it.

Yes, loathe graduation from whatever mucky-muck university you attend, for therein encompasses the day all your needed no-questions-asked vacation time ends.

Kapput. Done. Gone.

I've known multiple people who take leave from work for spring break that doesn't exist anymore, or Christmas break that doesn't exist anymore.... even at the expense of their employment.

It makes no sense.

Our educational system made them soft. So soft they figured they DESERVED that select time off from work and didn't stop and consider the consequences of their demands. What are they going to do when they have a family? "Hey sweetie, it's that time of year again, spring break is back and I'm outa here. See you and the kids in a week. Oh, and by the way, I lost my job. They just didn't get the memo that the world revolves around ME."

If life doesn't give us breaks for seasonal relaxation and recuperation, then why the heck are we preparing the children of today, and the leaders of tomorrow, with the luxury and false idea that it does???

Five good things

I am so glad to back in the social work field working hard and serving others. As inspired by some clients I work with, here are some things I want to share with cyberspace today:

1. Every person has something to offer the world.
2. No matter what one has done, does, or will do... they posses great value.
3. Anyone can teach another something new.
4. A sincere smile is heart-warming and bridges even the widest divisions.
5. Life is wonderful! Really, it's unquestionably beautiful.

In Memory of Jay Reed

A friend of mine from Maryland, Jay Reed, passed away last Sunday, February 17th. I found out on Thursday the 21st.

I'm still in shock, I cry.

Remembering his quiet presence, I cry.

Recalling his smile, I cry.

Thinking about how much he loved his family, I cry.

No more multi-page email exchanges with him, I cry.

No more grand discussions on life and love, I cry.

Looking forward to visiting Maryland in the next year or so... I may inadvertently look for Jay in the crowds at church and listen for his tender raspy voice... and I will cry once more.

Jay, I know you are in a better place now, but I sure will miss our chats and all the lovely comments we trade on our photo albums. You've helped me miss Maryland a little less, and now... I'm missing it even more. Think God will install email or Facebook for you.... just this ONCE?

Love you man, keep a seat warm for me up there.

The Friend Zone

I was asked to write a blog entry about a recent conversation I had with a good friend of mine.

I have been working for a few days on an applicable post and... it keeps turning into an angry ranting session. I don't want that on this blog.

So, I have decided to share the conversation. I have edited the convesrsation somewhat to protect the identity of my friend and to bring out the best of true, sincere, and raw emotion.

Please read this gently, and with an understanding heart. This illustrates the feelings and frustrations of millions of women (and men even) around the world. I've had similar conversations with many of my friends over the past few years, it was high time for this to enter the borders of my blog.

"Me" is obviously my side of the conversation. "A.G.C." is my friend, short for "A Good Catch".

This is dedicated to everyone who understands.

A.G.C.: Why do boys have to be so freaking retarded!?!… I never feel pretty enough, or funny enough, or whatever enough… I don't look like [insert name here], and therefore I feel un-datable sometimes.

Me: Amen, Amen, and AMEN… Who's [insert name here]?

A.G.C.: “…that girl that all the guys want to date… The skinny fun girl… one of those girls that I'll never be.

Me: You don't have to be her, or like her. Nobody does, including me. These great guys in your life are stupid not to pursue you. I don't understand them.

A.G.C.: I know. I don't either.

Me: I don't know what to tell you though. I've been in the same boat. If there were a miracle dating cure, I'd drive it to [insert location here] RIGHT NOW. I wish I could make all the wonderful guys we know see how awesome you are and realize that they have the catch of their lifetime right before them.

A.G.C.: I do too. Because I am a dang good catch.

Me: HECK YEAH

A.G.C.: But they can't seem to see past these extra pounds or something.

Me: My extra pounds are better doors than windows too. Pounds or not though, I want to find a man who sees me when others don't. Don't you?

“I want to find a man who sees me when others don’t…”

Me: The question being, where are those guys?

A.G.C.: Totally. Exactly!! We need to find those guys!

A.G.C.: At least we know that when we find a guy he will love us!!

A.G.C.: I just need to stop worrying about it but it's hard.

Me: That is so true. Same with friends... we know why our friends are there with us... certainly not because we look like runway models. Heavy people attract those who tend not to be... what's that word?... fickle?

Me: It's frustrating too.

A.G.C.: Yeah.

A.G.C.: And I think that it is easier for some strange reason for a girl to look past the outside while for a guy he just seems to see the outside.

Me: Yup... it does tend to be that way

A.G.C.: I just want to shake them and be like open your real eyes!!!

Me: Oh yeah.

Me: You know what I am starting to loathe?

A.G.C.: What?

Me: Being the "safe" date... that friend who’s a girl that guys are comfortable with because "I'm cool like that"...

A.G.C.: I know!!

A.G.C.: I go straight to the friend zone.

“I go straight to the friend zone.”

Me: We could invent a new monopoly game... "Don't pass go, don't collect $200, go straight to the friend zone!"

A.G.C.: Exactly, like the go to jail card but the friend zone!

A.G.C.: Like Go is a real date with maybe a kiss or a hand hold and we just stay in the friend zone and never get those stupid doubles to get us out!!!

Me: The dice are weighted

A.G.C.: Yep. Weighted for the skinny girls.

A.G.C.: That needs to be a blog!!!

Me: Is that a request?

A.G.C.: Yes!!

Me: Ok..... give me a couple days....

A.G.C.: Okay, I will. You'll be able to write it in a better way than I could.

Me: Well thank you. I'm flattered.

Me: Ooh! i'm so excited! This one's gonna be good. Oh, here's a funny quote. My mom was watching the tv show "King of Queens" and I heard the leading man say, "I'm gigantic, and I'm fair-skinned...the beach isn't the best spot for me."

Me: Cracked me up good!

A.G.C.: Yeah!!

A.G.C.: That's me!

Me: Me too!

Me: I was thinking at work that there should be sitcoms on featuring heavier women who are happy and successful. There are ones with heavier men, married to skinny women... and the men are often portrayed as somewhat mishaps. The Rosanne show was cool, but of course the family HAD to be dysfunctional and loud and obnoxious.

Me: It makes no sense

A.G.C.: Yeah. I totally agree.

Me: We need more positive publicity

“We need more positive publicity.”

A.G.C.: There's quite a few with a large husband and a small wife

Me: Of course, because big men are adorable. Didn't the instruction manual on life include that in your edition?

A.G.C.: Oh right....

A.G.C.: And big women are crazy and like cats.

Me: Yes, and teach kindergarten and wear big floral prints

A.G.C.: Exactly!!!

A.G.C.: But I wouldn't mind teaching Kindergarten.

Me: We need to find a movie that I LOVE. It's called "Fat like Me"

A.G.C.: Okay.

Me: I wish men who are extra-poundage-phobic in the dating realm were consistent and carried it through to the friend realm. It would make things less confusing... but at the same time maybe people can change....???

Nearly 13 years...

Gordon B. Hinckley

• A couple months shy of 13 years ago, this great man was called of God to serve as the prophet, seer, and revelator for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

• After church on Sunday, I heard word that He had passed away just hours before.

• I didn't completely believe it.

• The little child that exists in all of us, no matter what age, told me it couldn't be so.

• Sadly, it was.

• President Gordon B. Hinckley passed away Sunday evening at home with his family at the age of 97, making him the oldest living prophet the church has ever had.

• Now he is not only with Heavenly Father again... but he has now rejoined his wife and eternal companion. How great is that? I think it's absolutely wonderful.

In Memory Of...

Montrose Slade Caltrider

I received an email today from a dear friend of mine. Her step-father peacefully passed away this morning in the loving arms of his wife.

What a wonderful way to go.

I used to live with this family. helped around the house and with Slade. He had Parkinson's and was not very mobile.

In Slade's honor, I'd like to write some memories that are forever burned in my heart, and now also into the trappings of the World Wide Web.

My memories of Slade:

He loved his wife.

He was always so proud of his grandson.

He really REALLY liked chocolate.

He also liked gingersnap cookies. I used to hate gingersnaps but since I spent time with Slade, they have risen to my favorite cookie zone, second only to oatmeal-raisin.

He forgot my name a lot and used to call me Josie. It was cute, always made me smile.

The man was a genius.

He was witty and would crack a joke out of nowhere leaving everyone rolling.

He loved the sunshine.

He enjoyed history. We spent an entire afternoon once watching 'Sparticus' on the History Channel. It came on again the following week and what did we do? We watched it again.

I watched more news shows with Slade than I have in the rest of my life all together. Our favorite was Glenn Beck who is like a columnist, but on television.

He taught me about Nascar. I never thought I could watch cars drive in circles for hours, but with Slade it was tolerable.

He liked the feeling of having his hair brushed.

His laugh was jovial and contagious.

Whenever I pushed his wheelchair, since I'm from Alaska, he would yell out, "Mush! Mush!" as if he were driving a dog team.

He was very hard-shelled regarding having pets. However, one day he opened up and told me about a dog he grew up with and loved very much. That story came up once, and only once.

He liked red hair. I think that's what initially won him over when I moved in. That and the fact that I was from Alaska.


I have many more memories stored in my heart... and they will be there forever.

Thank you Slade, for touching my life.

May you enjoy your time in such a peaceful place.

"God be with you till we meet again."

A Tribute

Here's a tribute to our soldiers and workers who are out and about around the world doing their thing, protecting some, losing some, and missing their friends and families.

My friend's father is in Afghanistan. She was married on October 26th, 2007. Though her brothers were able to make it home from abroad for the wedding, her father wasn't there to walk her down the aisle.

Thanks to modern technology, he was there to meet and talk to her husband, and gave a fatherly speech through a fuzzy wireless Internet connection as part of the ceremony.

Perfectly timed, at the end of his shared fatherly wisdom, the connection pooped out. God has a way of making things work out- Sometimes just... long... enough.

I must also add an extra shout out to Ray and Andre who recently came to TGIFriday's where I work. They dined at one of my tables and it was a true pleasure to wait on them. These two nice young men had returned home from Iraq that very morning and simply wanted a normal and tasty meal... no booze, no profanity, no fighting. Ray was quiet and polite, not much of a talker. Andre was polite and joked around some while sharing some of his experiences. These two young men really lightened my load that day.

Thank you... and thank you to all who are currently serving our country, will be serving, have alread served, and everyone else who may be touched by this.

Breakfast Post

This is an I'm-multi-tasking-eating-breakfast-and-posting-in-my-blog-at-the-same-time morning.

That one I promised about the trip with my dad to get my car? Don't worry, it's coming... eventually.

Just a quick update on life:

I AM KEEPING VERY BUSY.

(Thank goodness.)

The dating scene is gone - don't cry about it. I just had the feeling, intuition, whatever you want to call it, that I shouldn't be dating the young man I was. About a week ago I called it off. I'm sure billions of women around the world, if they knew, would come and kick my tail-end over it. He's a really nice and caring guy, and so many women out there never encounter such kindness in a relationship. We just weren't meant to be, and that's that. 12/20/2007 Note: Any hint of kindness abruptly ended one week after the breakup. He went off his rocker. Scared the crap out of me for weeks... and when I say 'scared' I mean it. I just don't get it. This is the time in our lives where dating and breaking up is normal, and part of the process to find that one special someone. It hurts sometimes, but it is to be taken in stride and not used as an excuse to harass and stalk people.

People are already starting to dabble in my personal dating (or non-dating) life. Some get thrills from setting people up. Word to the masses:

I'm not one to be on the prowl in regards to dating.

I'm not even really looking - just living.

Doggone it, I barely even have time to eat breakfast, let alone date. Speaking of which, I have to run to work NOW.

Have a great day.

From disaster to goosebumps of joy... this covers it all.

Sunday morning was disastrous. Saturday evening was pretty frightening too.

I returned home from work around 11pm on Saturday and discovered that the front door was completely unlocked. No big deal except that my parents were out for the weekend... and there were a bunch of rotten apples all over the front entry of the house... and there was a paper ghost and a bag of candy on the front porch... and the dog was whimpering at the back door when I came in the garage. Holy cow, what broke loose? Why can't life just be normal for once. Never. Nada. Nuh-uh. On my time clock, normalcy does not exist.

I would have grabbed the dog and escaped to my friend's house for the night if it weren't for the fact that the parents have a security system on the house. The front door was unlocked, but was (thankfully) neither opened nor entered between the time my parents left the house and the time I returned to it. If it had been... I may have come home to find cops there waiting for me. Wouldn't that have been fun? I mean, 'Wouldn't that have been fun.' It was a statement of sarcasm, not a question. I love the English language.

Rotten apples. Well, uh, there were bags of apples on the front walkway of our house from the lady who shares the back fence. Someone (*cough*DAD*cough*) brought them inside and left them on a seat near the front door. He must have wanted to attract flies because half of them were ROTTEN.

I'm sure the paper ghost and bag of candy was a ding-dong-ditch effort. According to the note, someone at church was continuing a spread-the-holiday-fun tactic and left it on our porch after having the same done to them. For the record, I fully support cool stuff like this. However, the ding-dong part of the fun (and this is my theory) made the dog go crazy. In her crazy state near the door barking her butt off, she must have bumped the seat where the bags of apples were causing them to topple over on her, and all over the front entry way... hence the apple catastrophe and the whimpering dog upon my arrival.

Never ever ever a dull moment. Oh, it gets better.

I calmed the dog, brought the ghost goodies in, and deposited the apples back outside. Order was restored.

Until Sunday morning.

I came downstairs, after having budgeted my sleep to ensure a perfectly timed morning. I walked into the kitchen and -Sploosh! Glossh! Squirsh!- someone installed a pool where the kitchen had been... and doggone it, they forgot to heat it! Brrrr....

The water line to the freezer's ice-maker busted earlier in the week. Luckily, it was while the parents were still up and it flooded, but not TOO much. Dad fixed something the next day and all was well. Sunday morning, apparently it busted again. For all I know, the stupid thing had an aneurysm 2 minutes after I went to sleep and was leaking ALL NIGHT LONG. I spent my morning removing water from the floor and carpet, moving the refrigerator, and being drenched with explosive cold water while trying to reach the shut-off valve.

Again, never a dull moment.

I did everything I could, and managed to get myself out of the house only 20 minutes behind my targeted time. My motivation was the insanity... I had to g-e-t- a-w-a-y.

Upon leaving, I opened the garage and noticed that... it snowed. That very Sunday, October 7th 2007, for the record, was the first snow for Anchorage, Alaska this year. It was a mere light dusting, but hey, nearly 2 days later it's still here. It makes me almost proud that it is so hardy, yet at the same time I'm upset. I was hoping it would hold out at least another 2 weeks before any snow set foot here at sea level. Grrrrr. I mean, 'Brrrrrr'. Nope, I do mean, 'Grrrrrrr'.

Keep reading after the photos....

So, despite all the happenings of the weekend, it was an excellent one. Sunday I was really cheerful after I was able to leave the house. Y'know, lately I have been in a great mood, wonderful even.... and it just occurred to me that the title of my blog itself may just seem appropriately applicable at this moment. Oooh, I have goosebumps. You see, I have begun dating a very nice guy up here. He's different. He's cautious, careful, charitable, and considerate. He loves his family and has a good relationship with them. He's respectful and chivalrous. He listens, but he can also hold his own in a conversation. He's thoughtful and kind. He's honest, and voices his opinion. Best of all at the moment... his presence, his light, in my life is causing me to smile a whole lot, to feel happy, joyful, and elated.

Indeed, "One person can make a difference"...