As long as it's your best...

Life is like one's favorite board game; you do your best with what you've got and hope it doesn't end too soon.

I don't anticipate complications with the gallbladder surgery being done at 7:30 am today, but every time I discount it as a minor surgery and nothing to worry about people pipe up with, "There are risks with any procedure blah blah blah blah blah".

I was fine tuning that out until I went to sign pre-op paperwork yesterday. After 3 pages of "initialing here" to indicate that I understand each and every risk that may happen but probably won't, I'm feeling some little level of uneasiness.

I thought I'd keep this briefer than my normal posts because it's superiorly too late at night and I have to be at the hospital by 5:30 am tomorrow... but we all know that's impossible.

To reiterate a point made earlier, my life of 25+ years thus far has been like my favorite board game. I've been doing my best and I really would rather it not end too soon.

In the event that it were to, I'd go with very few regrets if any at all. I'd hope my family and friends would always remember how much I love them and have faith in the belief that I know someday after all is said and done, friendships will continue and families can be forever united.

There is a God. I like to refer to Him as Heavenly Father for He is the father of our spirits. Once we all lived with Him, together as a literal family of spiritual beings. We were doing very well and were living good lives. We were missing something though, a test of faith. Heavenly Father had a plan to create a world for His children to dwell on and be tried and tested to see if we would draw our strength from Him, endure to the end in righteousness and return to His presence.

A mortal life lacking memory of our spiritual pre-mortal experience would be hard, grueling and we would make mistakes. Heavenly Father sought for a child of His who was willing to be perfect in His doings, selfless beyond comprehension, an extender of mercy and to himself be sacrificed in order to fulfill the law of justice so all of Heavenly Father's children would have a chance to make amends while striving for better but living less than perfect lives. Our elder brother Jesus Christ took on the role saying, "Father, send me" and fulfilled the law of justice in all our steads by taking on our every sin and burden, suffering for them and dying at the hands of men whom he blessed for they knew not that they were killing their Savior.

I know Christ lives, that He walked and talked and blessed people after having been resurrected, breaking the bands of physical death. We are all promised that opportunity, to be saved from physical death through resurrection. It's like we're all given a "get of jail free" card without having to roll the dice or move our game piece to get it. Avoiding spiritual death or suffering is a whole different story though. We will be judged on our faith, our works, our hearts, our minds... so many things within our control yet so often neglected and abused.

I urge you to go forth and exercise faith, do good, soften your heart, cultivate your mind and find a straight and narrow path leading somewhere worth your while and follow it. Do your very best climbing the proverbial mountain of trials and tribulation. As long as it's your best fight, your best climb, your best effort.... one day Christ will reach down, grasp your hand and pull you up the rest of the way from whatever point you were able to get to, making up the difference. This folks, is my favorite illustration of mercy.

God be with you all till we meet again. I'm sure it will be in the next week at work or church or wherever. But... on that far-fetched chance that it's not, I promise not to be far away and I will surely see you later.

Love,

Joanna

No promises

Yes, I know.  

I've been silent.  

Excuse me for being busy, sometimes too much so for my own good.

Life is.... well, it just IS.

I do not promise a major update, it's a little late for that.  I do not promise a photo walk through of the last few months, I'm too swamped.  I do not promise you a rose garden, just 'cause that's a reference to an old song that just popped up in my head.  

You know you love me and my randomness.  Admit it, you do.

It snowed today.  Not that snowing is anything unusual for Anchorage, Alaska in November.  I just wanted to throw that in there, it snowed again.  I sometimes feel like I live in a snow globe and God has fun picking it up and shaking it.  Mind you, that's not just in reference to the weather.

I borrowed two books from the Institute of Religion's library today.  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey and The Power Within Us by Russell M. Nelson.

Thanksgiving is in a couple days.  Tomorrow night I am making 2 cheesecakes to bring to the family gathering.  One will be sugar-free, I'm experimenting with Splenda.  

Along with cheesecake, also present at Thanksgiving dinner will by my cousin's fiance.  I haven't met him yet, but everyone seems to like him thus far.  Crazy, I didn't even get a phone call about the engagement - I found out through Facebook.  Meh.  I don't know why, but I feel like an inadequate older cousin because I'm not married first.   It's as if I haven't fulfilled my duties. Dude, I rarely even date.  Toss me to the curb, I'm broken.

And yes, I used the word "dude" in my blog post.  Get over it.

In Memory of Jay Reed

A friend of mine from Maryland, Jay Reed, passed away last Sunday, February 17th. I found out on Thursday the 21st.

I'm still in shock, I cry.

Remembering his quiet presence, I cry.

Recalling his smile, I cry.

Thinking about how much he loved his family, I cry.

No more multi-page email exchanges with him, I cry.

No more grand discussions on life and love, I cry.

Looking forward to visiting Maryland in the next year or so... I may inadvertently look for Jay in the crowds at church and listen for his tender raspy voice... and I will cry once more.

Jay, I know you are in a better place now, but I sure will miss our chats and all the lovely comments we trade on our photo albums. You've helped me miss Maryland a little less, and now... I'm missing it even more. Think God will install email or Facebook for you.... just this ONCE?

Love you man, keep a seat warm for me up there.

In Memory Of...

Montrose Slade Caltrider

I received an email today from a dear friend of mine. Her step-father peacefully passed away this morning in the loving arms of his wife.

What a wonderful way to go.

I used to live with this family. helped around the house and with Slade. He had Parkinson's and was not very mobile.

In Slade's honor, I'd like to write some memories that are forever burned in my heart, and now also into the trappings of the World Wide Web.

My memories of Slade:

He loved his wife.

He was always so proud of his grandson.

He really REALLY liked chocolate.

He also liked gingersnap cookies. I used to hate gingersnaps but since I spent time with Slade, they have risen to my favorite cookie zone, second only to oatmeal-raisin.

He forgot my name a lot and used to call me Josie. It was cute, always made me smile.

The man was a genius.

He was witty and would crack a joke out of nowhere leaving everyone rolling.

He loved the sunshine.

He enjoyed history. We spent an entire afternoon once watching 'Sparticus' on the History Channel. It came on again the following week and what did we do? We watched it again.

I watched more news shows with Slade than I have in the rest of my life all together. Our favorite was Glenn Beck who is like a columnist, but on television.

He taught me about Nascar. I never thought I could watch cars drive in circles for hours, but with Slade it was tolerable.

He liked the feeling of having his hair brushed.

His laugh was jovial and contagious.

Whenever I pushed his wheelchair, since I'm from Alaska, he would yell out, "Mush! Mush!" as if he were driving a dog team.

He was very hard-shelled regarding having pets. However, one day he opened up and told me about a dog he grew up with and loved very much. That story came up once, and only once.

He liked red hair. I think that's what initially won him over when I moved in. That and the fact that I was from Alaska.


I have many more memories stored in my heart... and they will be there forever.

Thank you Slade, for touching my life.

May you enjoy your time in such a peaceful place.

"God be with you till we meet again."

Fun Family Moment

Yesterday evening while I was at home visiting with my parents between my busy-as-usual moments, my father put on his old rollerskates.

He had been attempting to stretch the boots so they would fit more comfortably.

Yes, you read correctly earlier, he put on HIS old rollerskates. My father has his own skates... because he is so awesome! Dad used to dance a lot on skates in his younger years. Then he did in his older years. Then he fell on ice while carrying food trays for his father's wedding a few years (13 years?) back... and saved the trays instead of himself.

After that, his skates went on a lot fewer trips to the roller rink... so did I for that matter.

Dad wants to get back into skating again. Yay for dad!

His first adventure? Skating cirlces in the kitchen and dancing on the skates in the living room while I had some country music playing on the computer.

Mom's first exclamation: "Turn the music up!" (And I did.)

Mom's second exclamation: "Take pictures!" (You bet I did!)

It was sooooo fun!!!

My family cracks me up! Dad had mom and I laughing so hard one of us could have easily peed our pants, but we didn't - Thank goodness.

I ventured outside in the cold for you

I am constantly around others. At work, at home, out and about... I just never seem to get away from people.

Today I don't work till the evening shift at the restaurant. Yay! Time to sleep in, finish Christmas shopping/creating, and the opportunity to not only make breakfast but to sit down and eat it too.

During the making of breakfast I had a visitor near the kitchen window. Yes, it was the hairy madame you stole a glance at above. She's not as big as she could be and I'm not new to the sightings of moose, why take a picture then? Escpecially when I was in the middle of my ME-therapy morning?

Well, I was thinking of you.

Yes, YOU.

I opened the door with a camera in my hand ready to take a great photo. The door squeeked and Miss Madame Moose ran next door. In pink fuzzy slippers, jeans, and my "I-am-doing-laundry" teddy-bear scrubs top, I ventured outside in the cold for you (it's 1 below zero at the moment) and captured my Thursday morning sighting to share with you. And with you, and you, and you too.

Even in those moments when I take some time to think of me, something will always come by to redirect my mind and heart to thoughts of you... I can't complain, I'm never alone.

Merry Christmas to everyone in my life...

I love you.

And that's how we like it.

Here's the long promised road-trip post - Originally dated October 20, 2007

Last weekend Dad and I went on a mini road trip. We drove to Soldotna, ate a very late dinner, crashed at a fairly decent hotel, bought my car the next morning, and drove back home to Anchorage with a lot of stops so I could take pictures (sorry dad).

Here's a little picture tour and commentary of our little daddy-daughter trip:

The whole way there was in the dark, since we left after I got out of work.

And gas prices skyrocketed when we left the city.

The temperature ROSE to 37 degrees Fahrenheit (the fuzzy photo is of the external temperature reading in dad's car)... which means it was warm enough to rain, and rain, and rain, and rain some more. (See the wet road?)

We arrived in Soldotna late and since it was dark and rainy, we decided to check out the car the next morning.

We found a 24-hour backwoods Alaskan diner and enjoyed hot cocoa and soup at midnight.

At the hotel the parking lot near our door was closed to cars-it was recently repaved. To avoid being drenched by a very long walk around the building in the rain, we parked illegally much to my dismay. Looking back I guess, to quote an old coworker referring to my one instance of not finishing my shift closing tasks 100%, we all need to get in touch with our "bad side" once in a while, eh?

The hotel wasn't too bad. Other than the funkified parking lot, my only quip was the fact that the doors only had knob locks. Yikes. I had trouble getting to sleep since I'm used to sleeping on a practical firm twin bed, and there I was with tons of stretching space on a double bed that was softer than I am accustomed. When I can't sleep I usually read. I forgot a book so my only other option was to talk.

"Dad?"

"Yeah."

"Did you know there is only a knob lock on the door here?"

"Yes. No worries though, I brought a gun. I'll get anybody who gets in
here."

"Thanks dad. Goodnight, love you."

"You too, hon."

Dad then returned to his own feat of getting to sleep. He uses a c-pap machine to help him breathe at night. It's probably hard to sleep with sometimes. Can you imagine having a semi-noisy machine attached to your head via a hose strapped to your face covering your nose? Imagine, and imagine it good.... 'cause that's why I started laughing shortly after talking to dad.

"Dad?"

"Yes sweetie."

[Laughing] "I doubt you'd need a gun if something were to
happen."

"Why's that?"

[Laughing still] "Anyone who walks in here will see the c-pap hose
and with either be scared and run away, or laugh till they pee their pants. I
doubt we're in any danger with that thing around."

[Laughing] "I think you have a good point there."

The laughter was fun, it was a great reminder that my dad's not just my dad... he's my friend too.

The following morning we headed over to where the car was stored, pulled into the drive way, and the license plate spoke to me.

CTR. To me, and most everyone who belongs to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, CTR stands for, "Choose The Right". It's one of those great little reminders like the whole WWJD thing that was oh-so-popular a few years ago. 801 just so happens to be the area-code for a lot (if not all) Utah phone numbers. Not that I liked Utah all that much when I was there, but it was a convenient fluke with the licence plate I've decided to throw in there as well.

I did check out the car, and it ran very well and looked good under the hood. Only 77,000 miles on it and it's 13 years old. The original owner passed away recently, and dad used to insure her. Dad and I both felt good about the car, no denying it. We went in the house to finalize stuff and what was on the wall right inside the front door? A mesmerizing photographic giant family tree this woman created. The woman must have been super awesome, that's all I can figure. She was not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, but I did ask since we are big on geneology and you know, the world could very well have shrunk even more that day.

The car is mine now, and I've named it "Jean" in honor of the woman who used to own it. My old car out in Maryland was named "Mike" and I intended to pass that name on, but I couldn't. When I got in, it was definitely a female car, I could just feel it. Jean, the woman, left sticky notes in the car... I loves sticky notes! Jean, the car, had all her radio stations set on country channels... I enjoy country music! It was a match made in heaven! No pun intended there considering Jean, the woman, is no longer with us.

The drive back to Anchorage was less scary, as I was driving my car instead of being a passenger. I'm not a good passenger since being hit by that drunk driver 2 years ago.

It was pretty going home, here's some pictures:

(That's Dad exploring.)

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Or I guess it's "When I gotta go, I gotta go."

Our outhouses up here are accessible... at least these ones were.

I like signs. This one cracked me up. It mentions toilets... There's no toilet! It's just a fancy piece of plastic sitting on a hole in the ground!

Might as well get a snapshot right? If I didn't, who else would?

Ooh! A great Alaskan moment happened on the way home too - aside from the pit stop.

I met a duck hunter.

Yes, you read that correctly.

And yes again, you are indeed seeing what you think you're seeing.

On my last picture stop there was a pickup truck in the pull-off too. As I went back to the car to continue on, a man came out of wherever in chest waders carrying dead ducks in one hand and a sack of fake ducks in the other. I, being who I am, didn't hesitate a single second to go talk to him. He let me take a couple pictures, though he didn't want to be in them. That's ok. Talking to him was cool, it was like visiting with an old neighbor.

And that's what being an Alaskan is all about. We're ALL neigbors up here. Better yet, we're family... and that's how we like it.

A good drive

Mom was trying to take photos from the car when we drove from Maryland to Upstate New York last month. Here we see Mike (my dashboard turtle), very little traffic, and a gross grey sky that followed us the whole way up.

I miss driving out East. There's a thrill in bookin' it around the DC Beltway that one just can't replace up here in Alaska.

I did drive the Glen highway out to a friend's wedding reception this last Saturday. I was probably too excited for my own good... my thrills came from merging on and exiting off the highway. With windows down and a big smile on my face, I'm sure the drivers around me thought I was looney. Despite the fact that it was the closest thing thusfar to driving in Maryland/DC area... it was child's play. Look up traffic in the dictionary and you'll find two pictures of the DC Beltway; one of rush hour when you can literally get out of your car and wait, and the other of the same sretch when there's so little traffic you truly feel a rush of freedom as you fly over the pavement.

The trip up to New York was more than about driving up there. It was a trip to visit my mother's family. Friends, this is my Grandma Joan. Oh yeah, and that's me with her.

We haven't been close in distance ever, which puts a cramp on a tight relationship. She's internet savvy now and we enjoy emailing back and forth. I've been out to New York only twice before this trip, so you can see how important this visit was. The first time I was 3 years old and with my mother. The second time I was 15 and turning 16 in a couple months, the trip was a gift from my parents. Last month, seven years later, there I was. I do hope it doesn't take another seven years for me to get my butt out to see family again. It was a good visit, and I'd like one like it to happen again before people start dying on me.

More introductions and stories will come as I develop my film. :)

Home Again.

It has been quite a while since I have written. I'd apologize, but I'm not really that sorry. It's MY blog, and MY writing schedule... I will write when I feel like it, I won't when I don't. Done deal.

After living between Utah and Maryland since June 2003, I have finally returned home to Alaska.

My new motto: I don't belong anywhere South of Canada.

I returned home on August 29th. My parents couldn't cancel their travel plans after I called off the wedding so they came out and visited for the heck of it instead. I enjoyed having them in my domain, meeting my friends and "adopted" family, and watching them squirm on the Washington D.C. Beltway... only my most favorite road to travel.

My father returned to Alaska earlier than my mom, which gave us some time to travel North and visit her family in Upstate New York. I drove us up there, and I drove us back from there... and we managed not to kill each other. We even spent a fair amount of time laughing our tails off, admiring handsome men from the Middle East (New Jersey is full of 'em), and talking trash about toll roads. It was beautiful.

I wasn't sorry when I left Utah in 2004, not one bit. However, I am sad to have left the life I had in Maryland. I grew close to some of the most amazing people ever, whom I love so dearly. I learned a lot, drove a lot, laughed a lot, cried a lot, worked a lot, loved a lot, hurt a lot, changed a lot... Maryland is a very little state but, as you can see, it has a LOT of potential.

Alaska has a lot to offer too. First and foremost, it's home. I know my upcoming experiences back home will also be filled with a lot of learning, driving, laughing, crying, working, loving, hurting, and changing... because that's what life is all about. Well, maybe not the driving, but if you've ever lived in the Maryland/D.C. area you understand how lengthy drives become an indisputable part of life. I learned that I do my best thinking while I'm in the car... therefore, it's a hefty part of my life.

That's it for today. I pray this finds many people doing well.

Joanna

Sharing some thoughts...

I once wrote, "...there's a reason and a season for everything. As to what's gonna happen in the next six months... year... 5 years... it's in God's hands. I'm just gonna go with the flow."

I still stand behind that 100%.

Over the last few years I've been through a lot... good and bad... and if I had it all to do over, I wouldn't change one thing. We, each of us, are on a great adventure called LIFE. Some patches are rough and seemingly unbearable. Others are easy breazy and silky smooth. Without one, we wouldn't know and appreciate the other. Opposition in all things is a necessity for understanding and gaining the capability to live life to the fullest.

I have been blessed with a good family, and I love them very much. I am so very grateful for my friends and the blessings they are in my life. Being so far away from home, my friends don't just feel like family... they ARE family... and I love it.

I am grateful for God, my Heavenly Father, The Man Upstairs... whatever one chooses to call Him... He is always there for us, His children. He watches over us and guides us, but allows us to make our own choices. Whenever I may feel lonely, it's not God who has stepped away from me... if there's ever any distance... it's mine.

I know that our elder brother, Jesus Christ, created this wonderful and beautiful world for us under the direction of our Heavenly Father. I know that He came to this world a mere mortal babe and grew to a mighty man who worked endless miracles, blessed the children, and who died for all mankind to be saved from physical and spiritual death... the latter dependent upon our own 'performance' and what we carry in our hearts while here on earth.

Take care, and God bless.