The Power of Yet

Yet.

You have no idea the power of this little word until it has been used in a sentence that leaves you praying that it was purposely placed to enlist hope in you, the recipient. 

This has happened to me twice in the last calender year. I am a phenomenally patient person, but this... this might make me explode.

The Healer's Art - A Burden Made Light

On September 25th, 2005 a man in Maryland got in his car after drinking and changed my life forever.

My last memory before waking up with my car crushed like a soda-pop can ready for recycling was of a sign I passed a mile before I was hit. I still remember nothing other than the sound of screetching tires; a sound that is the background music for my nightmares. Investigators deduced from tire marks on the road and my impecable driving record, that my little 1993 4-door Suzuki Swift was stopped at a red light and the man hit me going 65-75 miles per hour with no attempt to slow down; the screetching tires I heard were MY tires.

My right leg is deformed from an unusually large femoral artery hematoma that did not reabsorb as predicted, which turned into a mass of scar tissue nobody really wants to operate on.

I know what it feels like to hit something with such forward force that one's sternum breaks, and the agony of waiting an entire year for the ability to finally breathe, laugh, cough, and sneeze without literally wanting to die.

This is why airbags were invented. Sadly my car didn't have them.

The force of my body bouncing back off the steering wheel broke my seat. I woke up laying down.

The sternum break alone partially disabled me from the waist up for multiple months. I had to buy paper plates and other disposable dishes and utensils because I physically couldn't lift a dish, wash it, and put it in the dish drainer. I can't even describe the torture of basic hygiene tasks; I once sat in my old clawfoot tub for well over an hour bawling because I couldn't figure out how to get up without using my arms.

I bawled through plenty of other embarassing tasks as well.

My stubbornly independent self was compelled to be humble because I was dependent on the kindness of others for many things. Lee, a homeless man in the neighborhood, helped me with my laundry each week at the Laundromat in exchange for pocket change and the opportunity to be indoors with me while we waited for the clothes to get done.

I was fired for the first (and only) time from my job.

I walked about 20 blocks round-trip twice a week through downtown Baltimore's infamous North Avenue, the (or one of the) largest drug-trafficking areas in the nation in order to get to physical therapy because most of the bus drivers refused to serve me due to my white skin.

Yes, that really happened.

I was diagnosed and on medication for 6 months (felt like an eternity) for Bipolar II.  In December 2012 my psychiatrist ordered an EEG on a hunch and discovered I was misdiagnosed.

Turns out I have temporal lobe seizures (primarily caused by traumatic brain injuries) which manifest themselves with emotional/behavioral symptoms often identical to those who suffer from Bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc.

Fortunately the blackouts/unexplained lapses of time I kept experiencing tipped the psychiatrist off that something else was actually going on.

Unfortunately I may never be able to eat grapefruit again (it messes with the seizure meds I'm on).

Even 8+ years later, that one man's poor choice to drink and drive haunts my every waking moment. I have no doubt that it always will.

Do I forgive the man who did this?

Of course. We all make mistakes and poor choices, and we are expected by God to forgive all our trespasses; seventy times seven, and again. I can't argue with that. I also cannot honestly report that forgiveness happened overnight. It was a very slow and emotionally draining process. To my dismay, the proverbial weight of this burden was not made lighter despite the sincerity of my forgiveness years ago.

And then today happened.

One conversation with the right person can be life changing.

You know that light, almost-fluttery, somewhere between excitement and nervousness, breathless feeling you get in the borders of your heart right before tears of joy appear?

Yes, thaaaat feeling.

That is what it feels like; to be relieved of the last chunk of a burden you've been hefting around for exactly 8 years and 6 months to the day.

Joy; this is what true joy must feel like.

I leave you to ponder the message from "Lord, I Would Follow Thee", hymn 220 from the Hymns of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints; my lullaby of March 25, 2014:

Savior, may I learn to love thee,
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.
Savior, may I learn to love thee— 

Lord, I would follow thee. 

Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can’t see.
Who am I to judge another? 

Lord, I would follow thee.

I would be my brother’s keeper;
I would learn the healer’s art.
To the wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
I would be my brother’s keeper— 

Lord, I would follow thee.

Savior, may I love my brother
As I know thou lovest me,
Find in thee my strength, my beacon,
For thy servant I would be.
Savior, may I love my brother—

Lord, I would follow thee.

Sustenance, Suits and S'mores on Saturday

Today our postal workers gathered food from all over the city to donate to the local food pantry. The postcards in the mail to tell residents of this great communal effort said to put non-perishable food in a bag and set it near one's mailbox. Uh... heck no! A small black bear has been known to roam our area as well as other animals (including fellow humans) that are attracted to food; the last thing I was going to do was leave out food in the open. As you can see, I stuffed my little locked mailbox with various cans and a box of lime Jello (the "Mormon-y" side of me couldn't resist). What you don't see is that a hefty jar of peanut butter didn't fit so I put it in our outgoing mail box with the flag up accompanying a letter to an old friend in Maryland (you also didn't see that I went out and did all this while heavily medicated and wearing pink fuzzy slippers). This was such a small thing and yet I found it quite fun. Hooray for supporting local causes!

My lazy Saturday ended with dinner and dessert at the parents' house with 2 sets of missionaries from church. There was the pair serving in the Young Single Adult (YSA) ward (congregation) and the pair serving in the Hmong branch (smaller congregation that is in this case language-specific). Dad made his famous 5 noodle, 3 pepper soup... but forgot one noodle type so it turned into 4 noodle, 3 pepper soup. This version featured deer (not something we get often up here) and chicken hearts (per my request because they are my FAVORITE) as the soup's meat. Very yummy; less spicy than in the past. I ate my first green salad since January tonight as well; they have been the cause of a lot of agony so I've been in avoidance mode. Pray it's not a trigger for issues tonight... I've been missing my greens.

Side note: I (apparently) really (really) really (like) using (parenthesis) today.

After dinner we enjoyed s'mores made with GIANT (see how big they are compared with the chocolate bar?) marshmallows.

At Christmas I enjoy a fun tradition I purposely started within the last few years of roasting s'mores outside over the grill (or whatever you can get lit on fire). This last Christmas I was unable to participate due to illness and the s'mores were not made nor eaten. I was so happy to see the bag of massive marshmallows on the counter and hear dad ask, "What do you think of s'mores for dessert?". Mmmmm-mmmm. Post-gallbladder removal surgery day 8; time to experiment with food.

Oh my goodness. Those s'mores were amazing! With super GIANT marshmallows you don't have to put 2 on the roasting stick. One is definitely plenty. The s'mores were EXTRA messy and hilarious to eat while trying to keep an air of dignity. I ended up hiding in the corner laughing hard while attempting to finish s'more number one. By the time our marshmallow-roasting adventures were over, I had ooey gooey marshmallow goo all over myself... as did the elders. Way fun.

It took me hanging out on a Saturday night while fairly medicated for pain with my parents and 4 young men at least four years (at most 6 and a half) my junior who are un-datable and serving God on a proselytizing mission 24/7 for the next 2 years for me to laugh and really say I had FUN fun.

Now why aren't I having these kinds of enjoyable times with people my own age that are actually huggable? Hm.

As long as it's your best...

Life is like one's favorite board game; you do your best with what you've got and hope it doesn't end too soon.

I don't anticipate complications with the gallbladder surgery being done at 7:30 am today, but every time I discount it as a minor surgery and nothing to worry about people pipe up with, "There are risks with any procedure blah blah blah blah blah".

I was fine tuning that out until I went to sign pre-op paperwork yesterday. After 3 pages of "initialing here" to indicate that I understand each and every risk that may happen but probably won't, I'm feeling some little level of uneasiness.

I thought I'd keep this briefer than my normal posts because it's superiorly too late at night and I have to be at the hospital by 5:30 am tomorrow... but we all know that's impossible.

To reiterate a point made earlier, my life of 25+ years thus far has been like my favorite board game. I've been doing my best and I really would rather it not end too soon.

In the event that it were to, I'd go with very few regrets if any at all. I'd hope my family and friends would always remember how much I love them and have faith in the belief that I know someday after all is said and done, friendships will continue and families can be forever united.

There is a God. I like to refer to Him as Heavenly Father for He is the father of our spirits. Once we all lived with Him, together as a literal family of spiritual beings. We were doing very well and were living good lives. We were missing something though, a test of faith. Heavenly Father had a plan to create a world for His children to dwell on and be tried and tested to see if we would draw our strength from Him, endure to the end in righteousness and return to His presence.

A mortal life lacking memory of our spiritual pre-mortal experience would be hard, grueling and we would make mistakes. Heavenly Father sought for a child of His who was willing to be perfect in His doings, selfless beyond comprehension, an extender of mercy and to himself be sacrificed in order to fulfill the law of justice so all of Heavenly Father's children would have a chance to make amends while striving for better but living less than perfect lives. Our elder brother Jesus Christ took on the role saying, "Father, send me" and fulfilled the law of justice in all our steads by taking on our every sin and burden, suffering for them and dying at the hands of men whom he blessed for they knew not that they were killing their Savior.

I know Christ lives, that He walked and talked and blessed people after having been resurrected, breaking the bands of physical death. We are all promised that opportunity, to be saved from physical death through resurrection. It's like we're all given a "get of jail free" card without having to roll the dice or move our game piece to get it. Avoiding spiritual death or suffering is a whole different story though. We will be judged on our faith, our works, our hearts, our minds... so many things within our control yet so often neglected and abused.

I urge you to go forth and exercise faith, do good, soften your heart, cultivate your mind and find a straight and narrow path leading somewhere worth your while and follow it. Do your very best climbing the proverbial mountain of trials and tribulation. As long as it's your best fight, your best climb, your best effort.... one day Christ will reach down, grasp your hand and pull you up the rest of the way from whatever point you were able to get to, making up the difference. This folks, is my favorite illustration of mercy.

God be with you all till we meet again. I'm sure it will be in the next week at work or church or wherever. But... on that far-fetched chance that it's not, I promise not to be far away and I will surely see you later.

Love,

Joanna

New Adventures

Ciccia Bella Belly Dance troupe performed at BellyDance Rocks, sponosred by Earthquakes and Hipshakes 2009 on November 7th.

We peformed to Natacha Atlas' "Man's World" eight days after my 25th birthday... I was on stage with the troupe donned in purple and green. Y'know, I wasn't nervous until the lights turned on and I thought, "Holy crap, what am I doing?".

Trying new things and participating in random and sometimes scary adventures has the potential to bring us wonderful new friends.

In my case it did and I hope it continues to do so.

Challenge: Go out and do something that not only scares you... do something that makes you happy.

I dare you.

Love,

Joanna

Men, take notes.

Yes, I am actually sitting down at the computer and writing a blog post.  Don't get too excited, and please don't send the news crews.  I look like trash as I have been home sick all day in my very much unbearably warm apartment.  I've got all the windows open and it's just roasting.  I never thought that on May 1st at home in Alaska I would ever complain about being too warm. Six days ago last year there was a mondo blizzard that dumped well too much snow.  If you do some digging in my archives you'll see a post all about it, and a food drive that very night if I remember correctly.

Anyway, for those of you not blessed to be up North at the moment, the weather here has been purely amazing for the last week or so.  Our sunlight has been increasing each day by leaps and bounds and it's actually delivering HEAT.  That's a big deal up here. 

Increased sunlight brings about cheery and jovial moods in people, especially when following a long, dark, and cold winter.  Something else that helps bring about those happy moods is a new friend who drops into one's life at just the right moment.

Oh no, I'm not speaking from experience at all.  Never.  

Have I mentioned lately that I lie? [Insert one of those smiley-face things here.]

That said, there's this great guy that just walked into my life path recently.  He's super, and we've been having fun the last couple weeks.  What really bites is that he leaves for Iraq with the Air Force sometime in June and will be gone for at least 6 months.  

I could wonder why the heck we didn't mesh so instantly a few months back when we initially met, or why this, or why that... but it's fruitless to dwell on anything that nothing can be done about so I'm merely going to make the best of the whole situation.  

Do you ever think that sometimes every event in one's life is amazingly correlated?

I do.  And that's why I'm ready for whatever life has to hand me.  Maybe.  Perhaps I shouldn't speak so boldly.  It has a tendency to get me in trouble. 

Oh!  Speaking of speaking boldly (that was definitely an interesting use of verbage), I completed a dating survey for one of my Institute of Religion teachers who was gathering opinions in preparation to speak to a group of youth in the church.  Keep in mind that the questions are geared toward teens and the dating lifestyle of that age group.  Regardless, I enjoyed myself and am more than happy to share my answers with the world (daring, I know).

Everyone have an excellent weekend and enjoy reading my crazy answers!  (Men, take notes.)

1. List the top three characteristics of the perfect boy.

Characteristic #1: Caring and Compassionate

Characteristic #2: Honorable and Trustworthy

Characteristic #3: Motivated and Driven

2. List three things that make a group date good. Please list them with the most important one first.

#1: Good company 

#2: Planned and organized (yet flexible)

#3: Sincere fun

3. List three things that attract you to a boy, with the most important thing listed first.

#1: Personality is a major thing.  A pretty face can hide a real jerk.

#2: Knows what he wants in life and goes for it.

#3: Sees me when other people don't.

4. List the top three things that you look for in a boy when you consider dating him. List your most important criteria first.

#1: Treats his family well (especially his mother)

#2: Stability (in personality and life situations)

#3: How he has handled past relationships (know his history)

5. List three things that you would like a boy to do on a date.

#1: Open doors (chivalry is not dead, I have yet to see it in the obits)

#2: Exhibit natural humor (just make me laugh, don't TRY to make me laugh)

#3: Talk with me (conversations aren't binding, they’re just nice)

6. List the three things that you would most like a boy NOT to do on a date.

#1: Answer phone calls, make phone calls, text, etc.  You know those pre-movie warnings to turn off the cell phones?  Yeah, girls need to have those at the door as the guys walk in to pick them up for the date.

#2: Talk about other girls, gossip, and put down past dates.  That all spells LOSER.  If he talks about them, he'll talk about you.

#3: No bodily functions (picking nose, belching, breaking wind, spitting, etc.)

7. List three things that boys do that turn you off.

#1: Talking about video games (provided that the gal is not a fellow gamer). Come on people, really? Do we have to?

#2: Not washing hands after using the restroom.  Self explanatory.  Very disgusting.  This is worth calling a cab to get home.

#3: Clipping nails in public.  If I've typed it, I've witnessed it.  Ick.  That's it, just ick.

8. How should a boy dress? Here is your chance to tell the boys what you do and don't like about the way they dress. Feel free to tell them what makes you comfortable and/or uncomfortable.

Your pants should fit well.  Not too tight, and not falling off.  If you need help purchasing the right pair of pants, ask one of the women in your family (especially your grandmother) to help you.  Don't wear more jewelry than your date.  What are you wearing jewelry for anyway?  The CTR ring is cool, sport it bro'.  A few other funky things, sure.  But please, if you look like a disco ball, bring me the flowers and go home.  Don't sport the drug/alcohol t-shirts.  Just because Uncle Ned gave it to you for Christmas doesn't mean you should wear it.  Wear a nice shirt; that and a non-holy pair of jeans/slacks can go a long way.  Please wear socks unless you're going on a date that includes sand or water (we're in Alaska, this is not one that happens often).   

How would you like a boy to treat you at this point in your life?

Treat me well.  I'm a friend so be a friend.  Have fun with me, play along with a good joke for the heck of it.  If you like me as more than a best buddy, drop proper hints that clearly let it be known.  If you don't, make it clear but with kindness.  Leave modern ways at the door.  If you want a date, ask for it.  Don't wait for me to be feminist and forward.

10. How important is it to you for a boy you wish to date to be an active member of the LDS Church?

Extremely Important!!!!  <------ That’s my answer!

Somewhat Important

Doesn't Matter

Not Very Important

Not Important At ALL

The Power of YouTube

On Saturday some friends and I decided to try the theory (made popular on YouTube.com) that one can pop popcorn with the radiation emitted by active cell phones.

As you can see, success was not achieved.

And here is everyone watching the YouTube video that says it's all a joke... 

Feeling very very silly.

Healing Balm

Barely an hour after my last post I got a phone call from my best friend, Johanna.

God has His ways of keeping us whole, did you know that?

BEST FRIENDS ALWAYS HAVE A WAY TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.

Today Johanna's healing balm consisted of this phrase: "I'm having a baby today".

God is good, really good.

I Screamed

My dear sweet friend Ini (currently Elder Edemenang) wrote me back. The letter arrived Saturday. I did not get it until yesterday while I was in the middle of making waffles for my mom. I was like a little kid jumping up and down in the kitchen screaming for joy.

Seriously, I screamed.

Ini was one of my best friends in Maryland. We were tight like that, and when I left... Saying goodbye to him broke my heart. It is near the top of the list of the hardest things I've had to do.

Unlike most 25 year-olds in this crazy world, Ini is on a mission now serving the Lord in Cleveland, Ohio.

I have....

I have been negligent. I have not written in.... forever. I have been busy. I have had other things taking up my time. I have dedicated most of my time to other people and am now taking a moment for myself. So there.

In addition to my condensed version of updates below, I changed my cellular plan to AT&T and upgraded to a good phone. My plan allows unlimited net usage which means I can take photos during my crazy days and when I figure out how, I can post them straight to the blog from my phone. I'll do my first test ones after I'm done with this post.

Yay for blogging-on-the-run.

The first update missed was the much celebrated arrival of my dearest friends pictured below. They lived up here in Alaska for 4 years, their first year being my last year before I bailed out of the state. I didn't meet them till I was in Maryland. We had instant connections which grew into a great friendship and I ended up living in their basement for a while even... and then on base in temporary housing with them for a few weeks as they shipped out to Idaho (my heart broke that day). Well... One year after they left Maryland, and 6 months after I left Maryland... guess who just moved back to Alaska and bought house!?!?!? Yuppers, THEY'RE HERE!!! Life is now complete.




Next came disc golf. April 19th I got suckered into playing disc golf with two good friends of mine. I had played (hacked at it) once before in my life and that was in Provo, Utah. I thought it was some funny backwards Utah sport. Turns out we have 2 courses here in Anchorage and they've actually been here for quite a while. The day was beautiful and the company I kept was wonderful. There was snow here, mud there, frozen water that way, and running water this-a-way. The day was superb with a much needed sanity-saving outing followed by strawberry smoothies and a chic flick.

Next was April 25th, 2008. Save the date, it made history. Not only did the young and older single adults in my church get together for a food drive complete with driving themed light-hearted activities (it was fun, and great to entertain the two kids that came), but we did so amidst a record-breaking...........

SNOW STORM!!!! It snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed. Welcome home to Alaska. One minute it's great, the next it's covered in white stuff so deep you don't park your car... you drive until you bottom-out. But I have to say, we had a nice little snowball fight after the food drive.... it was perfect (and boy do I mean PERFECT) snowball and snowman snow... as you can see Shad demonstrated below with his handiwork.

More fun to come, the snow is gone now and the weather is t-shirt friendly... at least for Alaska standards it is.

Sister In Zion

On Monday evening I found these lovely flowers sitting on my car....



And a note with chocolate truffle kisses under my windshield wiper....

Here's the note:

I nearly cried. What kindness was passed to me.

The whole note and flowers thing is up the alley of stuff I like to do for other people...
it was nice to be on the recieving end of it for once.

Thank you so much to whomever you are. I needed that more than you may know.
God bless.

Traveling Kitty: Scenes 1, 2, & 3

A friend of mine in Maryland sent this stuffed Hello Kitty doll up here to Alaska so I could take some pictures of it and send it back for a project her niece (I think) is doing.

I'm busy, so I haven't gotten as many photos as I'd like thus far.

Today, post-Easter dinner offered some fun time for photography.

My friends Cristi and Jessica came to dinner at my Grandparent's house with me and afterwards I showed them a place in town where you can see downtown Anchorage quite nicely. [Check out my photo page for more views.]

And here you see Cristi, reliving yesteryear with Hello Kitty in hand.

It is life's priceless moments we live for, eh?

In Memory of Jay Reed

A friend of mine from Maryland, Jay Reed, passed away last Sunday, February 17th. I found out on Thursday the 21st.

I'm still in shock, I cry.

Remembering his quiet presence, I cry.

Recalling his smile, I cry.

Thinking about how much he loved his family, I cry.

No more multi-page email exchanges with him, I cry.

No more grand discussions on life and love, I cry.

Looking forward to visiting Maryland in the next year or so... I may inadvertently look for Jay in the crowds at church and listen for his tender raspy voice... and I will cry once more.

Jay, I know you are in a better place now, but I sure will miss our chats and all the lovely comments we trade on our photo albums. You've helped me miss Maryland a little less, and now... I'm missing it even more. Think God will install email or Facebook for you.... just this ONCE?

Love you man, keep a seat warm for me up there.

The Friend Zone

I was asked to write a blog entry about a recent conversation I had with a good friend of mine.

I have been working for a few days on an applicable post and... it keeps turning into an angry ranting session. I don't want that on this blog.

So, I have decided to share the conversation. I have edited the convesrsation somewhat to protect the identity of my friend and to bring out the best of true, sincere, and raw emotion.

Please read this gently, and with an understanding heart. This illustrates the feelings and frustrations of millions of women (and men even) around the world. I've had similar conversations with many of my friends over the past few years, it was high time for this to enter the borders of my blog.

"Me" is obviously my side of the conversation. "A.G.C." is my friend, short for "A Good Catch".

This is dedicated to everyone who understands.

A.G.C.: Why do boys have to be so freaking retarded!?!… I never feel pretty enough, or funny enough, or whatever enough… I don't look like [insert name here], and therefore I feel un-datable sometimes.

Me: Amen, Amen, and AMEN… Who's [insert name here]?

A.G.C.: “…that girl that all the guys want to date… The skinny fun girl… one of those girls that I'll never be.

Me: You don't have to be her, or like her. Nobody does, including me. These great guys in your life are stupid not to pursue you. I don't understand them.

A.G.C.: I know. I don't either.

Me: I don't know what to tell you though. I've been in the same boat. If there were a miracle dating cure, I'd drive it to [insert location here] RIGHT NOW. I wish I could make all the wonderful guys we know see how awesome you are and realize that they have the catch of their lifetime right before them.

A.G.C.: I do too. Because I am a dang good catch.

Me: HECK YEAH

A.G.C.: But they can't seem to see past these extra pounds or something.

Me: My extra pounds are better doors than windows too. Pounds or not though, I want to find a man who sees me when others don't. Don't you?

“I want to find a man who sees me when others don’t…”

Me: The question being, where are those guys?

A.G.C.: Totally. Exactly!! We need to find those guys!

A.G.C.: At least we know that when we find a guy he will love us!!

A.G.C.: I just need to stop worrying about it but it's hard.

Me: That is so true. Same with friends... we know why our friends are there with us... certainly not because we look like runway models. Heavy people attract those who tend not to be... what's that word?... fickle?

Me: It's frustrating too.

A.G.C.: Yeah.

A.G.C.: And I think that it is easier for some strange reason for a girl to look past the outside while for a guy he just seems to see the outside.

Me: Yup... it does tend to be that way

A.G.C.: I just want to shake them and be like open your real eyes!!!

Me: Oh yeah.

Me: You know what I am starting to loathe?

A.G.C.: What?

Me: Being the "safe" date... that friend who’s a girl that guys are comfortable with because "I'm cool like that"...

A.G.C.: I know!!

A.G.C.: I go straight to the friend zone.

“I go straight to the friend zone.”

Me: We could invent a new monopoly game... "Don't pass go, don't collect $200, go straight to the friend zone!"

A.G.C.: Exactly, like the go to jail card but the friend zone!

A.G.C.: Like Go is a real date with maybe a kiss or a hand hold and we just stay in the friend zone and never get those stupid doubles to get us out!!!

Me: The dice are weighted

A.G.C.: Yep. Weighted for the skinny girls.

A.G.C.: That needs to be a blog!!!

Me: Is that a request?

A.G.C.: Yes!!

Me: Ok..... give me a couple days....

A.G.C.: Okay, I will. You'll be able to write it in a better way than I could.

Me: Well thank you. I'm flattered.

Me: Ooh! i'm so excited! This one's gonna be good. Oh, here's a funny quote. My mom was watching the tv show "King of Queens" and I heard the leading man say, "I'm gigantic, and I'm fair-skinned...the beach isn't the best spot for me."

Me: Cracked me up good!

A.G.C.: Yeah!!

A.G.C.: That's me!

Me: Me too!

Me: I was thinking at work that there should be sitcoms on featuring heavier women who are happy and successful. There are ones with heavier men, married to skinny women... and the men are often portrayed as somewhat mishaps. The Rosanne show was cool, but of course the family HAD to be dysfunctional and loud and obnoxious.

Me: It makes no sense

A.G.C.: Yeah. I totally agree.

Me: We need more positive publicity

“We need more positive publicity.”

A.G.C.: There's quite a few with a large husband and a small wife

Me: Of course, because big men are adorable. Didn't the instruction manual on life include that in your edition?

A.G.C.: Oh right....

A.G.C.: And big women are crazy and like cats.

Me: Yes, and teach kindergarten and wear big floral prints

A.G.C.: Exactly!!!

A.G.C.: But I wouldn't mind teaching Kindergarten.

Me: We need to find a movie that I LOVE. It's called "Fat like Me"

A.G.C.: Okay.

Me: I wish men who are extra-poundage-phobic in the dating realm were consistent and carried it through to the friend realm. It would make things less confusing... but at the same time maybe people can change....???

In Memory Of...

Montrose Slade Caltrider

I received an email today from a dear friend of mine. Her step-father peacefully passed away this morning in the loving arms of his wife.

What a wonderful way to go.

I used to live with this family. helped around the house and with Slade. He had Parkinson's and was not very mobile.

In Slade's honor, I'd like to write some memories that are forever burned in my heart, and now also into the trappings of the World Wide Web.

My memories of Slade:

He loved his wife.

He was always so proud of his grandson.

He really REALLY liked chocolate.

He also liked gingersnap cookies. I used to hate gingersnaps but since I spent time with Slade, they have risen to my favorite cookie zone, second only to oatmeal-raisin.

He forgot my name a lot and used to call me Josie. It was cute, always made me smile.

The man was a genius.

He was witty and would crack a joke out of nowhere leaving everyone rolling.

He loved the sunshine.

He enjoyed history. We spent an entire afternoon once watching 'Sparticus' on the History Channel. It came on again the following week and what did we do? We watched it again.

I watched more news shows with Slade than I have in the rest of my life all together. Our favorite was Glenn Beck who is like a columnist, but on television.

He taught me about Nascar. I never thought I could watch cars drive in circles for hours, but with Slade it was tolerable.

He liked the feeling of having his hair brushed.

His laugh was jovial and contagious.

Whenever I pushed his wheelchair, since I'm from Alaska, he would yell out, "Mush! Mush!" as if he were driving a dog team.

He was very hard-shelled regarding having pets. However, one day he opened up and told me about a dog he grew up with and loved very much. That story came up once, and only once.

He liked red hair. I think that's what initially won him over when I moved in. That and the fact that I was from Alaska.


I have many more memories stored in my heart... and they will be there forever.

Thank you Slade, for touching my life.

May you enjoy your time in such a peaceful place.

"God be with you till we meet again."

From disaster to goosebumps of joy... this covers it all.

Sunday morning was disastrous. Saturday evening was pretty frightening too.

I returned home from work around 11pm on Saturday and discovered that the front door was completely unlocked. No big deal except that my parents were out for the weekend... and there were a bunch of rotten apples all over the front entry of the house... and there was a paper ghost and a bag of candy on the front porch... and the dog was whimpering at the back door when I came in the garage. Holy cow, what broke loose? Why can't life just be normal for once. Never. Nada. Nuh-uh. On my time clock, normalcy does not exist.

I would have grabbed the dog and escaped to my friend's house for the night if it weren't for the fact that the parents have a security system on the house. The front door was unlocked, but was (thankfully) neither opened nor entered between the time my parents left the house and the time I returned to it. If it had been... I may have come home to find cops there waiting for me. Wouldn't that have been fun? I mean, 'Wouldn't that have been fun.' It was a statement of sarcasm, not a question. I love the English language.

Rotten apples. Well, uh, there were bags of apples on the front walkway of our house from the lady who shares the back fence. Someone (*cough*DAD*cough*) brought them inside and left them on a seat near the front door. He must have wanted to attract flies because half of them were ROTTEN.

I'm sure the paper ghost and bag of candy was a ding-dong-ditch effort. According to the note, someone at church was continuing a spread-the-holiday-fun tactic and left it on our porch after having the same done to them. For the record, I fully support cool stuff like this. However, the ding-dong part of the fun (and this is my theory) made the dog go crazy. In her crazy state near the door barking her butt off, she must have bumped the seat where the bags of apples were causing them to topple over on her, and all over the front entry way... hence the apple catastrophe and the whimpering dog upon my arrival.

Never ever ever a dull moment. Oh, it gets better.

I calmed the dog, brought the ghost goodies in, and deposited the apples back outside. Order was restored.

Until Sunday morning.

I came downstairs, after having budgeted my sleep to ensure a perfectly timed morning. I walked into the kitchen and -Sploosh! Glossh! Squirsh!- someone installed a pool where the kitchen had been... and doggone it, they forgot to heat it! Brrrr....

The water line to the freezer's ice-maker busted earlier in the week. Luckily, it was while the parents were still up and it flooded, but not TOO much. Dad fixed something the next day and all was well. Sunday morning, apparently it busted again. For all I know, the stupid thing had an aneurysm 2 minutes after I went to sleep and was leaking ALL NIGHT LONG. I spent my morning removing water from the floor and carpet, moving the refrigerator, and being drenched with explosive cold water while trying to reach the shut-off valve.

Again, never a dull moment.

I did everything I could, and managed to get myself out of the house only 20 minutes behind my targeted time. My motivation was the insanity... I had to g-e-t- a-w-a-y.

Upon leaving, I opened the garage and noticed that... it snowed. That very Sunday, October 7th 2007, for the record, was the first snow for Anchorage, Alaska this year. It was a mere light dusting, but hey, nearly 2 days later it's still here. It makes me almost proud that it is so hardy, yet at the same time I'm upset. I was hoping it would hold out at least another 2 weeks before any snow set foot here at sea level. Grrrrr. I mean, 'Brrrrrr'. Nope, I do mean, 'Grrrrrrr'.

Keep reading after the photos....

So, despite all the happenings of the weekend, it was an excellent one. Sunday I was really cheerful after I was able to leave the house. Y'know, lately I have been in a great mood, wonderful even.... and it just occurred to me that the title of my blog itself may just seem appropriately applicable at this moment. Oooh, I have goosebumps. You see, I have begun dating a very nice guy up here. He's different. He's cautious, careful, charitable, and considerate. He loves his family and has a good relationship with them. He's respectful and chivalrous. He listens, but he can also hold his own in a conversation. He's thoughtful and kind. He's honest, and voices his opinion. Best of all at the moment... his presence, his light, in my life is causing me to smile a whole lot, to feel happy, joyful, and elated.

Indeed, "One person can make a difference"...

Home Again.

It has been quite a while since I have written. I'd apologize, but I'm not really that sorry. It's MY blog, and MY writing schedule... I will write when I feel like it, I won't when I don't. Done deal.

After living between Utah and Maryland since June 2003, I have finally returned home to Alaska.

My new motto: I don't belong anywhere South of Canada.

I returned home on August 29th. My parents couldn't cancel their travel plans after I called off the wedding so they came out and visited for the heck of it instead. I enjoyed having them in my domain, meeting my friends and "adopted" family, and watching them squirm on the Washington D.C. Beltway... only my most favorite road to travel.

My father returned to Alaska earlier than my mom, which gave us some time to travel North and visit her family in Upstate New York. I drove us up there, and I drove us back from there... and we managed not to kill each other. We even spent a fair amount of time laughing our tails off, admiring handsome men from the Middle East (New Jersey is full of 'em), and talking trash about toll roads. It was beautiful.

I wasn't sorry when I left Utah in 2004, not one bit. However, I am sad to have left the life I had in Maryland. I grew close to some of the most amazing people ever, whom I love so dearly. I learned a lot, drove a lot, laughed a lot, cried a lot, worked a lot, loved a lot, hurt a lot, changed a lot... Maryland is a very little state but, as you can see, it has a LOT of potential.

Alaska has a lot to offer too. First and foremost, it's home. I know my upcoming experiences back home will also be filled with a lot of learning, driving, laughing, crying, working, loving, hurting, and changing... because that's what life is all about. Well, maybe not the driving, but if you've ever lived in the Maryland/D.C. area you understand how lengthy drives become an indisputable part of life. I learned that I do my best thinking while I'm in the car... therefore, it's a hefty part of my life.

That's it for today. I pray this finds many people doing well.

Joanna

Sharing some thoughts...

I once wrote, "...there's a reason and a season for everything. As to what's gonna happen in the next six months... year... 5 years... it's in God's hands. I'm just gonna go with the flow."

I still stand behind that 100%.

Over the last few years I've been through a lot... good and bad... and if I had it all to do over, I wouldn't change one thing. We, each of us, are on a great adventure called LIFE. Some patches are rough and seemingly unbearable. Others are easy breazy and silky smooth. Without one, we wouldn't know and appreciate the other. Opposition in all things is a necessity for understanding and gaining the capability to live life to the fullest.

I have been blessed with a good family, and I love them very much. I am so very grateful for my friends and the blessings they are in my life. Being so far away from home, my friends don't just feel like family... they ARE family... and I love it.

I am grateful for God, my Heavenly Father, The Man Upstairs... whatever one chooses to call Him... He is always there for us, His children. He watches over us and guides us, but allows us to make our own choices. Whenever I may feel lonely, it's not God who has stepped away from me... if there's ever any distance... it's mine.

I know that our elder brother, Jesus Christ, created this wonderful and beautiful world for us under the direction of our Heavenly Father. I know that He came to this world a mere mortal babe and grew to a mighty man who worked endless miracles, blessed the children, and who died for all mankind to be saved from physical and spiritual death... the latter dependent upon our own 'performance' and what we carry in our hearts while here on earth.

Take care, and God bless.

An Ode to Exemplary Kindness

Reminder: All names have been changed. I'm not putting them in any sort of bracket or quotation marks, they are disruptive to my posts. If you happen to put two and two together and figure out who any of these people are, great. You'll love them even more after I'm done writing.

I've had many good days in my life. Wonderful and glorious days! Today was the first day in a very long time that I truly did not...

...I did not want to see it end.

Last night I danced till I was nearly dead. I crashed at Beth's house and hit the pillow at 2:30 in the morning. Beth's alarm clock, and my cell phone alarm, both rang at 5 o-clock sharp. Yes, in the morning. In thirty minutes we were dressed, she ate a nutri-grain bar, and we were in my car headed to the church to meet my friend Jason so we could drive an hour North, meet up with more people, and drive another 2 or so hours to gather with many more LDS young single adults in the area and innertube down a river for 2 hours.

Five thirty-five and Jason was still not there. I figured he miscaluculated the time it takes him to get to the church building, which happens often to both of us. I picked up my cell phone to give him a buzz and he got me first. The ring scared the crap out of me.

"Hello Jason! Where are you?"

"I fell asleep after turning off my alarm... I just got out of bed."

"Are you coming or what?"

"It will take me too long to get ready and drive there. You guys will be late."

"Forget being late, do you want to come?"

"Yeah, I really wanted to go."

"We're coming to get you. I'll call back when I'm closer. Get ready fast."

"You don't have to. You'll be late."

"We won't be late. Get ready."

"Ok. Thanks."

Jason was out his door one minute after Beth and I arrived (we timed him). He asked if Beth and I had eaten breakfast. Beth proclaimed her nutri-grain bar as her meal. I admitted to not eating yet. Jason handed me the extra granola bar he had with him. One hour later we met up with three of our friends at the stake center. They were waiting for two more passengers. My friend Kate called and Beth, Jason, and I zoomed to pick her up and head to the tubing adventure (after, of course, Jason and I meticulously shoved all the crap taking up half the back seat into my already full trunk).

Kate had just met Jason today. Beth had just met Kate today. Jason and Beth had met before. I met Kate a year and a half ago, Beth three months ago, and Jason two months ago. The conversation was pretty constant the entire car ride to our destination. Upon exit from the car, we lathered ourselves with sunblock. Jason and I won the "hi-my-skin-is-translucent" award... and proceeded to put even more sunblock on. The four of us traded our tickets for colored bracelets, innertubes, life jackets, and a ride on a white bus to the river.

The time floating down the river was miraculous. We were out there a long time. We got soaked. We laughed. We joked around. Jason and I quickly knew that with sunscreen or not, we were going to look like lobsters. Oh well, it was worth it.

We got separated for a while. Kate and Beth's tubes caught a strong current headed in one direction, and mine and Jason's tubes caught a strong current going the opposite way. The currents flowed around a huge rock formation where a lot of people were out of the water and gonking around. Jason and I figured the two of them were fine and we'd catch them on the other side so we relaxed and let ourselves float wherever we were taken. We encountered some rapids and my tube flew out from under me. I rode the rest of the rapids 2 feet behind my innertube. Ouch, not fun, but hilarious when I finally hit relatively still water. Jason bravely came to my rescue and there I was all smiley. When we didn't meet up with our tubing buddies as we thought we would, we headed to the rocks to see if we could spot them with a higher view point.

Jason must have found a good spot to hop up on the rocks 'cause he was up fast and then disapeared in the search. The rocks were very steep, and slippery. There was no way to get a foothold underwater to propel myself up. Stubborn me, I pulled myself up with just my arms. Jason appeared on top of another big rock and waved to tell me he found our buddies. While waving back I discovered a lot of blood covering my forearm. Oops, sliced up my elbow pretty good when pulling myself out of the water. Didn't hurt, just got all bloody. Now I'm part of the Earth, left a lot of DNA in that river.

Jason came back for his innertube. He wanted me to jump off the rock with him and belly flop onto our tubes. Did I? Heck no! I'm a natural party pooper, it comes easy to me. I turned around put my behind in the middle of the tube, sat down in the water, and we joined up with Kate and Beth just around the bend. The four of us stayed together until we were done floating down the river. It was grand. Warm water, good friends, and a free peanut butter and jelly sandwhich afterwards thanks to whomever was in charge of the institute/young single adult activity.

The writing about this wonderful day has ended. The cyber ink stops here... and begins again here to share with you the day I wish could have continued forever.

Beth is an amazing girl. She is one of my friends that I adore. Adoration doesn't come easily from me. It is a special form of love geared toward those I know are true conquerers and who stand tall even when the world says they stand out a little. Beth stands tall. She is a dedicated college student, extremely familiar with the gospel, and man, you should hear her sing. She sings like an angel, clear and seamless, though she stutters when she speaks. I believe it's a good thing... with Beth I listen better than with some who are perfectly articulate.

From the beginning, Beth and her innertube weren't traveling down the river quite as quickly as the rest of us. Her efforts to paddle just made things worse. Kate, Jason, and I were downstream significantly, effortlessly being carried by the current. I looked at Jason and asked what we should do. He said, "Let's go get her".

We got ourselves upstream to Beth and the four of us grabbed each others' innertubes, hands, feet (whatever was closest) and took off. We made a good effort to travel connected but it wasn't working that great. We let go and Beth floated ahead for a few feet. Jason commented, "If we can't float together, let's just make sure Beth stays in front. We can push her if that's what it takes."

That's exactly what it took. Pushing, pulling, frequently resting, and getting our butts stuck on rocks we may have avoided had we thought only of ourselves. We played musical innertubes when we crossed over large slippery rock formations by foot so that Beth could focus on walking without worrying about juggling something else. After going over rougher waters, we'd all sit up in our tubes and make sure Beth made it through without capsizing. When Beth fell behind after a strong current, Jason would hurry upstream, she'd grab the handle of his innertube, and he'd help her get to where we were bobbing along. It was a grand reunion each time.

Women tend to come complete with a heavy dose of motherly tendancies. We are natural helpers and protectors. I knew Kate and I were going to go back and travel with Beth at the beginning when her innertube decided it was gonna be a pill. No question about that. Though we differ on our opinions about single's cruises, we're two peas in a pod when it comes to how we treat other people. It's the men in my life that I'm always curious about. Hence why I asked Jason at the beginning what we should do. Regardless of his opinion, I was going back for Beth. I was expecting either a.) he'd choose to continue down the river alone and meet up at the end, or b.) he'd wait in a shallow spot until Kate, Beth, and I caught up. I got c.) Totally wow.

From the 5:35 phone call this morning on, Jason demonstrated the most exemplary "oh-my-gosh-does-this-guy-really-exist?" kindness today. I was truly blown away. There are two little things that change empathy to compassion... desire and action. The desire to lift anothers' burdens and then embarking to do so. An empathetic guy would notice Beth a little behind and recognize that it probably sucks being the last one all separated from the original group of tubers. He'd figure she'd eventually catch up, all is well.

A compassionate guy... did more today.