A Dash of Sympathy

by Joanna E. Dickson

Familiar far too well with the torment of heartbreak, I want to remind everyone that the pain goes both ways. It may hurt to have one’s heart torn to shreds, but it can be an equally painful and tormenting experience while standing in the shoes of the one doing the tearing.

A message to those on either side: Exercise an element of understanding with a dash of sympathy, sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. Every experience is for our benefit. Sooner or later you will look back on the gloomier moments in your life to discover innumerable lessons learned and know Heavenly Father was with you every step of the way.

* * *

Pinching pennies got you singin’ the dating blues? Here are some red-hot date ideas that will get you out while saving a little green:

Take a date on a fun and informative walk through a scale model of the solar system accompanied by beautiful views along the way! For more information, visit www.anchorageplanetwalk.org.

Have a GPS or an iPhone with a GPS “app”? If so, you’re almost set for a fun date of geocaching. Geocaching is a world-wide high-tech treasure hunt you don’t want to pass up. Go to www.geocaching.com for more information and start collecting coordinates today!

Disc golf is a great date activity around town that caters to varying level of athleticism and is free to participate in, though you have to purchase your own discs (less than $30 for three discs; not bad). There are multiple courses within Anchorage and the surrounding area. For more information, visit www.alaskadiscgolf.com.

(This will probably be condensed and published in the March 2010 issue of the Anchorage, Alaska Institute of Religion newsletter).

***Note to those wondering why I posted this before the newsletter is out: I felt like it needed to be posted now rather than later. Kindly, back off.***

I have to ASK?

by Joanna E. Dickson

If you didn’t catch last month’s newsletter, I shared a few green ideas for the dating scene; fun date activities that can easily be revisited, reused and recycled. There are places to go, things to do and you are not going alone.

Has your preparation for a date ever looked like this?:

Shower? Check.

Deodorant? Check.

Matching socks? Check.

Gas in the car? Check.

Guy/Gal? Che- What? I have to ASK someone?

Sometimes we forget that dates don’t grow on trees (the fruit kind do, but they aren’t good company). Even the best preparation for a date does one no good if the best of preparations aren’t taken care of previously; asking someone to join you in the near future for a good time.

Understandably, on the asker and the asked end of things, we sometimes experience doubts:

“I want to ask her to join me for the science lecture at the zoo but I’m afraid she’ll...”

“He asked me to join him for the first Friday art walk but...”

“I think she’s interested in... so why bother asking her to go dancing?”

“I’m just not... enough.”

You ARE enough. You are good enough. You are handsome/pretty enough. You are interesting enough. You are educated enough. You are enough just the way you are.

Heavenly Father packaged us all differently when He sent us here to dwell and grow. We are unique in how we look, who we are, what we have experienced, how we approach things... and how are we to get to know each other and appreciate those differences if we don’t spend time with each other outside of large groups doing the “hanging out” thing?

Men, again, it’s 2010 and the women in your life would like you to put down the video games and ask them on dates. Asking someone out for a date is not a marriage proposal; it’s just a date. Being asked out for a date is not a marriage proposal; it’s just a date. Going out on dates provide opportunities to learn, grow, and appreciate others. Through dating we are able to find and pursue interests which some day may lead to love and the joy of eternal marriage. Now really, who can argue with that?

(This was condensed and originally published in the Anchorage Alaska Institute of Religion newsletter for February 2010).

Going Green in the Dating Scene

by Joanna E. Dickson

Going Green: A statement we’re hearing, reading and running into all over the place lately. Everything is touted as either reusable or recyclable, except plastics with numbers greater than 2 and glass in Alaska, but nobody’s bitter about that.

Speaking of bitter, we can battle bitter blues and dating dilemmas this year by “going green” in the dating scene. Men, it’s 2010 and the women in your life would like you to put down the video games and ask them on dates. The following are a few fun date activities that can be easily revisited, reused and recycled that are great to participate in paired off and combined with other couples (or with friends or family if your date ditches at the last minute).

A Matter of Intellect: Every 2nd Wednesday the Alaska Zoo’s Gateway Building opens at 6pm with a “Wildlife Wednesdays” free science lecture at 7 p.m. This monthly event runs through April 14, 2010. Visit www.alaskazoo.org for more details. IDEA: Take notes and compare them over hot chocolate after the lecture.

The Arts: On the first Friday of each month, art galleries and other venues in downtown Anchorage remain open late to welcome the public in viewing new work by local artists (most of these venues also have great music and snacks for visitors). The art walk begins at 5:30 and ends at 8 p.m. Maps are available in the Anchorage Press or you can just have fun wandering your way around downtown. IDEA: Pick a random couple and nonchalantly follow them through the venues.

Movin’ and Groovin’: Every night of the week there are opportunities to learn various dance styles all over Anchorage. My personal favorite are the lessons taught in the Golden Lion Hotel’s lounge on Friday evenings (they have a dance floor and live music). Lessons are from 7 to 8 p.m. and the dance floor is open late. The crowd is small, the instructors are tons of fun, and the environment is as wholesome as you may find in the city outside of a church gymnasium. Remember to wear practical shoes. More information and a schedule can be found at www.akswing.com IDEA: During the lesson you may be trading dance partners frequently. Make it a game to remember the names of everyone you dance with.

Happy dating everyone, and remember, GO GREEN in the dating scene!

(This was condensed and published in the Anchorage Alaska Institute Council newsletter for January 2010).

Men, take notes.

Yes, I am actually sitting down at the computer and writing a blog post.  Don't get too excited, and please don't send the news crews.  I look like trash as I have been home sick all day in my very much unbearably warm apartment.  I've got all the windows open and it's just roasting.  I never thought that on May 1st at home in Alaska I would ever complain about being too warm. Six days ago last year there was a mondo blizzard that dumped well too much snow.  If you do some digging in my archives you'll see a post all about it, and a food drive that very night if I remember correctly.

Anyway, for those of you not blessed to be up North at the moment, the weather here has been purely amazing for the last week or so.  Our sunlight has been increasing each day by leaps and bounds and it's actually delivering HEAT.  That's a big deal up here. 

Increased sunlight brings about cheery and jovial moods in people, especially when following a long, dark, and cold winter.  Something else that helps bring about those happy moods is a new friend who drops into one's life at just the right moment.

Oh no, I'm not speaking from experience at all.  Never.  

Have I mentioned lately that I lie? [Insert one of those smiley-face things here.]

That said, there's this great guy that just walked into my life path recently.  He's super, and we've been having fun the last couple weeks.  What really bites is that he leaves for Iraq with the Air Force sometime in June and will be gone for at least 6 months.  

I could wonder why the heck we didn't mesh so instantly a few months back when we initially met, or why this, or why that... but it's fruitless to dwell on anything that nothing can be done about so I'm merely going to make the best of the whole situation.  

Do you ever think that sometimes every event in one's life is amazingly correlated?

I do.  And that's why I'm ready for whatever life has to hand me.  Maybe.  Perhaps I shouldn't speak so boldly.  It has a tendency to get me in trouble. 

Oh!  Speaking of speaking boldly (that was definitely an interesting use of verbage), I completed a dating survey for one of my Institute of Religion teachers who was gathering opinions in preparation to speak to a group of youth in the church.  Keep in mind that the questions are geared toward teens and the dating lifestyle of that age group.  Regardless, I enjoyed myself and am more than happy to share my answers with the world (daring, I know).

Everyone have an excellent weekend and enjoy reading my crazy answers!  (Men, take notes.)

1. List the top three characteristics of the perfect boy.

Characteristic #1: Caring and Compassionate

Characteristic #2: Honorable and Trustworthy

Characteristic #3: Motivated and Driven

2. List three things that make a group date good. Please list them with the most important one first.

#1: Good company 

#2: Planned and organized (yet flexible)

#3: Sincere fun

3. List three things that attract you to a boy, with the most important thing listed first.

#1: Personality is a major thing.  A pretty face can hide a real jerk.

#2: Knows what he wants in life and goes for it.

#3: Sees me when other people don't.

4. List the top three things that you look for in a boy when you consider dating him. List your most important criteria first.

#1: Treats his family well (especially his mother)

#2: Stability (in personality and life situations)

#3: How he has handled past relationships (know his history)

5. List three things that you would like a boy to do on a date.

#1: Open doors (chivalry is not dead, I have yet to see it in the obits)

#2: Exhibit natural humor (just make me laugh, don't TRY to make me laugh)

#3: Talk with me (conversations aren't binding, they’re just nice)

6. List the three things that you would most like a boy NOT to do on a date.

#1: Answer phone calls, make phone calls, text, etc.  You know those pre-movie warnings to turn off the cell phones?  Yeah, girls need to have those at the door as the guys walk in to pick them up for the date.

#2: Talk about other girls, gossip, and put down past dates.  That all spells LOSER.  If he talks about them, he'll talk about you.

#3: No bodily functions (picking nose, belching, breaking wind, spitting, etc.)

7. List three things that boys do that turn you off.

#1: Talking about video games (provided that the gal is not a fellow gamer). Come on people, really? Do we have to?

#2: Not washing hands after using the restroom.  Self explanatory.  Very disgusting.  This is worth calling a cab to get home.

#3: Clipping nails in public.  If I've typed it, I've witnessed it.  Ick.  That's it, just ick.

8. How should a boy dress? Here is your chance to tell the boys what you do and don't like about the way they dress. Feel free to tell them what makes you comfortable and/or uncomfortable.

Your pants should fit well.  Not too tight, and not falling off.  If you need help purchasing the right pair of pants, ask one of the women in your family (especially your grandmother) to help you.  Don't wear more jewelry than your date.  What are you wearing jewelry for anyway?  The CTR ring is cool, sport it bro'.  A few other funky things, sure.  But please, if you look like a disco ball, bring me the flowers and go home.  Don't sport the drug/alcohol t-shirts.  Just because Uncle Ned gave it to you for Christmas doesn't mean you should wear it.  Wear a nice shirt; that and a non-holy pair of jeans/slacks can go a long way.  Please wear socks unless you're going on a date that includes sand or water (we're in Alaska, this is not one that happens often).   

How would you like a boy to treat you at this point in your life?

Treat me well.  I'm a friend so be a friend.  Have fun with me, play along with a good joke for the heck of it.  If you like me as more than a best buddy, drop proper hints that clearly let it be known.  If you don't, make it clear but with kindness.  Leave modern ways at the door.  If you want a date, ask for it.  Don't wait for me to be feminist and forward.

10. How important is it to you for a boy you wish to date to be an active member of the LDS Church?

Extremely Important!!!!  <------ That’s my answer!

Somewhat Important

Doesn't Matter

Not Very Important

Not Important At ALL

No promises

Yes, I know.  

I've been silent.  

Excuse me for being busy, sometimes too much so for my own good.

Life is.... well, it just IS.

I do not promise a major update, it's a little late for that.  I do not promise a photo walk through of the last few months, I'm too swamped.  I do not promise you a rose garden, just 'cause that's a reference to an old song that just popped up in my head.  

You know you love me and my randomness.  Admit it, you do.

It snowed today.  Not that snowing is anything unusual for Anchorage, Alaska in November.  I just wanted to throw that in there, it snowed again.  I sometimes feel like I live in a snow globe and God has fun picking it up and shaking it.  Mind you, that's not just in reference to the weather.

I borrowed two books from the Institute of Religion's library today.  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey and The Power Within Us by Russell M. Nelson.

Thanksgiving is in a couple days.  Tomorrow night I am making 2 cheesecakes to bring to the family gathering.  One will be sugar-free, I'm experimenting with Splenda.  

Along with cheesecake, also present at Thanksgiving dinner will by my cousin's fiance.  I haven't met him yet, but everyone seems to like him thus far.  Crazy, I didn't even get a phone call about the engagement - I found out through Facebook.  Meh.  I don't know why, but I feel like an inadequate older cousin because I'm not married first.   It's as if I haven't fulfilled my duties. Dude, I rarely even date.  Toss me to the curb, I'm broken.

And yes, I used the word "dude" in my blog post.  Get over it.

God threw the cherry on top...

Yesterday was an oober bad day.

When your whole day goes kinda rotten, you get to mid-evening and ask God, "Alright, what else do you have coming?  The other shoe has to drop sometime, you gonna let it fall now so I can just get it all over with?"

And then He takes your symbolically Pepto-Bismol Icescream Sundae of a day and throws the cherry on top of it. 

Joe broke up with me on a walk later in the evening.

And that's all I'm going to say about it.  This chapter is closed.

 I fibbed.  I'm a writer, chapters don't close in our world.  I will probably rehash it once in a while.  Respectfully, of course.  I mean, come on, we had good times.  Joe's a great guy.  I still have photos to share from some of our adventures!  

There are good memories and life lessons embedded in this experience and to back me up, Spencer W. Kimball once said, "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted.  It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility.  All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God."

The Friend Zone

I was asked to write a blog entry about a recent conversation I had with a good friend of mine.

I have been working for a few days on an applicable post and... it keeps turning into an angry ranting session. I don't want that on this blog.

So, I have decided to share the conversation. I have edited the convesrsation somewhat to protect the identity of my friend and to bring out the best of true, sincere, and raw emotion.

Please read this gently, and with an understanding heart. This illustrates the feelings and frustrations of millions of women (and men even) around the world. I've had similar conversations with many of my friends over the past few years, it was high time for this to enter the borders of my blog.

"Me" is obviously my side of the conversation. "A.G.C." is my friend, short for "A Good Catch".

This is dedicated to everyone who understands.

A.G.C.: Why do boys have to be so freaking retarded!?!… I never feel pretty enough, or funny enough, or whatever enough… I don't look like [insert name here], and therefore I feel un-datable sometimes.

Me: Amen, Amen, and AMEN… Who's [insert name here]?

A.G.C.: “…that girl that all the guys want to date… The skinny fun girl… one of those girls that I'll never be.

Me: You don't have to be her, or like her. Nobody does, including me. These great guys in your life are stupid not to pursue you. I don't understand them.

A.G.C.: I know. I don't either.

Me: I don't know what to tell you though. I've been in the same boat. If there were a miracle dating cure, I'd drive it to [insert location here] RIGHT NOW. I wish I could make all the wonderful guys we know see how awesome you are and realize that they have the catch of their lifetime right before them.

A.G.C.: I do too. Because I am a dang good catch.

Me: HECK YEAH

A.G.C.: But they can't seem to see past these extra pounds or something.

Me: My extra pounds are better doors than windows too. Pounds or not though, I want to find a man who sees me when others don't. Don't you?

“I want to find a man who sees me when others don’t…”

Me: The question being, where are those guys?

A.G.C.: Totally. Exactly!! We need to find those guys!

A.G.C.: At least we know that when we find a guy he will love us!!

A.G.C.: I just need to stop worrying about it but it's hard.

Me: That is so true. Same with friends... we know why our friends are there with us... certainly not because we look like runway models. Heavy people attract those who tend not to be... what's that word?... fickle?

Me: It's frustrating too.

A.G.C.: Yeah.

A.G.C.: And I think that it is easier for some strange reason for a girl to look past the outside while for a guy he just seems to see the outside.

Me: Yup... it does tend to be that way

A.G.C.: I just want to shake them and be like open your real eyes!!!

Me: Oh yeah.

Me: You know what I am starting to loathe?

A.G.C.: What?

Me: Being the "safe" date... that friend who’s a girl that guys are comfortable with because "I'm cool like that"...

A.G.C.: I know!!

A.G.C.: I go straight to the friend zone.

“I go straight to the friend zone.”

Me: We could invent a new monopoly game... "Don't pass go, don't collect $200, go straight to the friend zone!"

A.G.C.: Exactly, like the go to jail card but the friend zone!

A.G.C.: Like Go is a real date with maybe a kiss or a hand hold and we just stay in the friend zone and never get those stupid doubles to get us out!!!

Me: The dice are weighted

A.G.C.: Yep. Weighted for the skinny girls.

A.G.C.: That needs to be a blog!!!

Me: Is that a request?

A.G.C.: Yes!!

Me: Ok..... give me a couple days....

A.G.C.: Okay, I will. You'll be able to write it in a better way than I could.

Me: Well thank you. I'm flattered.

Me: Ooh! i'm so excited! This one's gonna be good. Oh, here's a funny quote. My mom was watching the tv show "King of Queens" and I heard the leading man say, "I'm gigantic, and I'm fair-skinned...the beach isn't the best spot for me."

Me: Cracked me up good!

A.G.C.: Yeah!!

A.G.C.: That's me!

Me: Me too!

Me: I was thinking at work that there should be sitcoms on featuring heavier women who are happy and successful. There are ones with heavier men, married to skinny women... and the men are often portrayed as somewhat mishaps. The Rosanne show was cool, but of course the family HAD to be dysfunctional and loud and obnoxious.

Me: It makes no sense

A.G.C.: Yeah. I totally agree.

Me: We need more positive publicity

“We need more positive publicity.”

A.G.C.: There's quite a few with a large husband and a small wife

Me: Of course, because big men are adorable. Didn't the instruction manual on life include that in your edition?

A.G.C.: Oh right....

A.G.C.: And big women are crazy and like cats.

Me: Yes, and teach kindergarten and wear big floral prints

A.G.C.: Exactly!!!

A.G.C.: But I wouldn't mind teaching Kindergarten.

Me: We need to find a movie that I LOVE. It's called "Fat like Me"

A.G.C.: Okay.

Me: I wish men who are extra-poundage-phobic in the dating realm were consistent and carried it through to the friend realm. It would make things less confusing... but at the same time maybe people can change....???

Singin' Praises

Sometimes the state of being tired is an excellent one to be in.

This morning being tired meant I had a great time last night ice skating with a friend at a local (indoor) rink... losing a one-on-one snowball fight in a parking lot, warming up with hot-cocoa at Village Inn, and enjoying conversation so much that 2:30am arrived before I got back home.

[Insert "Holy wow!", "Oh my!", "Yippee!", and every other exuberant, exciting exclamation of joy in-between here].

Last night was a happy pill and it successfully got me through the he- err, heck-of-a-day I had today.

Current mood: Singin' praises to good company.